It’s TRUE, what they say…

I am no where near due for my period, but hanging with 800 women will get you bleeding way off schedule.

I’m sitting at the airport in Chicago (menstrual) and trying to wrap my head around seeing all these lovely female bloggers, all in one place, all being smart and witty and funny and total dorks.

Elizabeth Edwards (wife of presidential candidate John-yeah, that one) took to the stage for her keynote speech with Lisa Stone and then graciously joined us at our cocktail party. The woman hung out with us bloghers all night. She met everyone and answered questions about anything and literally was one of us. Not sure if I’m voting for her husband…but wow, she impressed the hell out of me, and I’m not easy to impress.

Apparently we’re super cool, because as I was leaving (more like stumbling) out of the party I ran into LeahPeah who was going to an after party with Chloe Dao from Project Runway. Yeah, so Elizabeth Edwards and Chloe from Project Runway just kinda hung out with us bloghers alllll night.  I’m not kidding.

I got to hold this new blogher and I got to HUG this one and I got to laugh like a big DORK with this one, oh, and did I mention eat a large pile of MEAT because of HER? We were meat drunk. This blogher gave me a crown (I KNOW) and this one passed me a condom lollipop and this one is just a nice as you think.

Hung over this morning I held the red stapler and hugged this one good bye and told this one we might bring the kids to DC soon. Did this one tell you yet about how her luggage was lost? Or this one her ID (no comment, I did it at blogher business in NYC) or how this one and this one went on a boat ride and watch some guy’s big ears flap in the wind???

Yeah, so I’m might have to go change my tampon before I get on this flight…but it was worth it.

BlogHer ’07 Keynote Elizabeth Edwards LIVE in Second Life

Elizabeth Edwards live in BLogHer in SL

Windy City Pretty

That’s the name of my toe-nail polish, swear to god…Windy City Pretty. Of course I did it on purpose.

Last year as I packed for BlogHer, I was nursing Princess Peanut in between folding skirts and shirts. I was fretting over how many hours a session would last, and how long it would take me to nurse my daughter after breakfast, before session #2, during the cocktail party…you get the idea.

I was worried how my mother and the Kaiser would handle two kids in a hotel room. I was still TOTALLY uncomfortable leaving my children for any length of time, even to join my friends for a once-a-year get together.

Tonight, I’m doing laundry, packing, and counting the hours before the Kaiser and I leave for LAX. I’m wondering how many drinks I can have on the plane without feeling like shit. I’m wondering if I can add a day to our get away just because. I’m wondering if I’m a terrible mother because not only do I want to get away from my kids, I am DYING to get away from my kids.

Let me be clear, I’m the mother who wouldn’t let you HOLD my child. I’m the mother who never spent a night away from her kids. They were GLUED to me. GLUED.
NYC for BlogHer business was my first trip away. I’m now determined to never come home. Ok, kidding, kidding…but I feel like a freshman at college who got away from her parents and suddenly fucked everyone and drank like a fish. I now want to leave my children ALL THE TIME. I went from one extreme to the other.

I’m not sure it’s healthy.

I can’t do much about it now…with BlogHer in Chicago beckoning me with its yahootinis and wonderful swag bags. With its familiar faces and hugs from bloggers I’ve only typed with.

…but when I get home…I’m thinking I need to sloooow down a bit. Reengage with my children, my home, my life. Stop trying to escape like a forlorn teenager and find some balance between hovermom and freedom lover.

In the meantime, me and my Windy City Pretty toes are off.

SCOOP of the Century (or at least for this weekend)

Well placed sources tell me the fabulous women behind TRUE MOM CONFESSIONS will be giving away a CONE during this weekend’s BlogHer conference in Chicago.

hg_sextoys_cone210.jpgThere is more, and HOLY (that’s a hint) HELL do I wish I could tell you, but you’ll have to come to Chicago to find out.

Some things as I pack for Chicago-

-my son has decided now would be a great time to have a string of allergic reactions that send us to the ER in Santa Monica. We don’t know what it is and yes, he swells and throat starts to close. So scary I can’t even blog about it yet, but rest assured we’re on top of it.

-BlogHer in Second Life still has space, register or face my wrath.

-I’m going early to the conference to make sure stuff is ready-I leave in about 32 hours. HOLY SHIT.

BlogMe Baby- ’07

This is how I felt at BlogHer last year:

Ok, ok…who is that? Do I know her blog? Crap, she looks totally familiar. I should go say hi. Wait, maybe I don’t know her. Do I know her? Ok, I’m just going to go and read her name tag. Damn, I can’t see it. But she looks kinda like that one blogger, but maybe not…hmmm
-90% of the time I worked my way over to that blogger and eventually introduced myself. In an effort to make it easier for YOU to walk up to ME, once again we’re doing BLOGME.
So me in 10 seconds. WOW. Ok.My husband says, “Smart, Driven…” and then he made a nasty gesture that implied I did something else well.

My son says, “um…you cook me good food.”

My daughter says, “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

I say just come find me and DO NOT worry about approaching me. I’m telling you. DON’T. SO. NOT. WORTH. Anxiety.

Odds are I’ll have my head buried in my laptop checking on the SL conference or I’ll be drunk, and I’ll make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to ignore me.

So here is what I look like, and these are from last year at BlogHer when I was um…NOT very sober, so this is a good representation on how to spot me…(Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah is on the left..odds are you’ll find me near her)

alright, so I stole this photo from sarah. come get me

That’s Kelly, aka Mocha Momma-you’ll find me near her too.

yes, another stolen sarah photo

You’ll also find me at the bar by Karen and Kaiser. YES ladies, Kaiser is going to be in Chicago. God help us all.

Living Under a Rock

patrickAlright, so I just found out about the cell phone thing. Considering it has been forever since I’ve gotten out of the house, I’m giving myself that one.

However, I’m not sure why it took my so very long to discover Pink’s Dear Mr. President.

Dear Mr. President lyrics
(feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let’s pretend we’re just two people and
You’re not better than me.
I’d like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We’re not dumb and we’re not blind.
They’re all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter’s rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You’ve come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you ’bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you ’bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you ’bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you ’bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don’t know nothing ’bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You’d never take a walk with me.
Would you?

YOUTUBE PAYBACK

So, the other day I posted a video clip of Mocha Momma, aka Kelly, reading at LA Angst. She was unhappy with me. She swore her revenge and said she would post me in an “unflattering” light and that I deserved it.

Ladies and gentlebloggers, Kelly’s revenge (CLICK TO SEE)

Yes, that was edited. But you’ve seen enough of my tits.

Spot the NON blogger

Kelly, Suebob, Mocha, HALA, Leahpeah