Dear Bill,

I have a great rack. Seriously. You would love them. I can tell you are a man that likes a good set of tits and let me tell you, mine deliver.

I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you though. They’re just tits, and they are not there to get you hard, they are there to feed my kid.

I’m writing you tonight because you’ve got all my girlfriends in a little woman tizzy. The hens, they are circling…twitter, blogs, they are all aflutter with remarks you made tonight on your little HBO show.

Indulge me, Huffington Post blogger to Huffington Post blogger, and let’s just review your view on *gasp* public breastfeeding (now don’t freak out, we might be lactivists, but we’re no PETA…I’m not going to throw anything on you…just listen)-

“Narcisist,” “Petty” – just a few of the words you threw out there at us breeders. You went on about how breastfeeding was an intimate act, not unlike masturbation, and why we crazy women and our causes need to shut it so real issues can be addressed. You know, because real issues don’t include the health of American’s children (I guess that means you’re ok with the me feeding the kid a french fry to shut it up?) or the warped idea we Americans have about sex and body image and what is “obscene” or “acceptable.”

My gal pal in arms over at Suburban Oblivion covers it better than I could,

“I’ve always considered Bill Maher incredibly progressive, but this type of rhetoric makes me wonder if he isn’t a little more backwards than he’d like us to think.

Mr. Maher, let’s look at a fact or three shall we?

Breastfeeding can in NO way be compared to masturbation. Last I checked, masturbating is not necessary to survive, whereas feeding the infant when they are hungry IS.

How about the fact that by repeatedly asking the woman to cover herself, the Applebee’s employees were breaking the law??? In 2006 Kentucky passed a law specifically protecting the right to breastfeed in public, and specifically exempting breastfeeding from public indecency laws.(Unlike spanking your monkey.)

For someone who professes to be a huge fan of Hugh Hefner and Playboy, you certainly have one ass-backwards view of using the breast for it’s intended function. Boobs for show? Awesome! Boobs for food? Bad! Put those away! Sorry, it doesn’t lend much to your credibility.

So why do people worry themselves with something you deem so unimportant? To those of us who care about the future health of our children, this IS an important issue. Breastfeeding is proven to reduce the risk of diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and a multitude of other problems. Given the out-of-control state of these things in the US today, one would think anything we could do to help curb this trend would not only be supported, but embraced.

The declining health of the population may not be as high on your radar as global warming Mr. Maher, but to those of us entrusted to raise the next generation, it’s our number one priority. “

Let’s face it. If families stopped supporting the American Service Economy, which we’d have to do if we were never allowed to feed our children in Applebees, then disposable income would dry up. If that happened, no one would be able to afford to pay for HBO. So you’d be out of a job (…again) and if you weren’t famous, how would you ever see any woman’s boob ever again?

In short Bill, you should know better that we womenfolk don’t take up our causes lightly. Or on a whim. Or because we’re just trying to hog the spotlight. We’re actually trying to accomplish something a little bit more profound and large than can be summed up in a “new rules” segment that ends in “Hooters.”

Get your laughs. Tell your jokes. Oogle my breasts. Just use next week’s show to join our lactivist cause.

XOXOXO,

Erin Kotecki Vest