Yearly Archives: 2008

Home Sweet Ho…wait, maybe the airport was better

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After a trip wrought with delay after delay I was very excited to see my children. As I walked in the door to pick them up after a very long day of travel, they greeted me with a million kisses and gifts.

Then they woke me up at 645am and have yet to move more than an inch from my side. Crawling on me, climbing on me, petting me, snuggling with me, whining at me, whining near me, moving only to grab a toy and then to run right back to re-glue themselves to a thigh or an arm.

I peed with a child on my lap and am typing right now one-handed, as my other hand is being held captive by a small person who can’t seem to pronounce her “L’s” very well.

My son used the back of my shirt as a leash as I walked to get the mail. My daughter won’t go get her stuffed dog from the other room unless I carry her there and back.

The house went from clean to a total disaster in the first half of the day and this afternoon we are all still in our pj’s. I’m trying to make it to the park before tonight’s debate and another “mom’s butt on couch for 3 hours” session but the phone keeps ringing.

While the airport was crowded and loud, much like my house, at least the other passengers weren’t climbing on me and I could get some work done.

I’m also totally annoyed because I have about 20 pages left in The Other Boleyn Girl as my flight landed 20 pages too soon and despite STILL being in my PJ’s today I can’t seem to find the time or arms to finish.

Maybe I can carry the girl to the bathroom with me, have her grab the book-let the boy hold my shirt on the way and sit on my feet as I pee and read out loud. Then everyone is happy.

Or I can just plan another business trip.

Swift Boat-Playground Style

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Stranded again in an airport in these lovely United States I’m checking in on my kids, reading email, and catching up on the day’s headlines.

As a woman I’ve always had a pretty low threshold for bullshit. As a mother, I now have zero.

I have no time to squabble about crap. If the kids are fighting over a toy, I don’t conduct an investigation, I just take the toy away from them both. Bullshit level= zero.

So when I get an email this morning from BlogHer politics and news CE Morra Aarons giving a link to the Drudge article showing Senator Barack Obama wearing traditional Somali clothing while on a visit to Kenya, I shook my head.

Bullshit meter is beeping.

But it gets worse. What I thought would be shaken off as a non-story is turning into that Monday Media nonsense that is catching the breath of anchors and writers across the nation. I’m sitting in this airport next to 100 other people and Wolf Blitzer is bringing it up on the CNN tv’s at every gate.

The Clinton Camp is claiming it wasn’t their idea or plant and the Obama Camp is lashing back saying this is “the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve seen from either party in this election.”

Meanwhile Captain SwiftBoat is planning his big Obama party.

Except you see, we Moms…we have a very low tolerance for bullshit-I did mention that, right?

You see, I have kids. Now while that does not qualify me as a political expert, it does qualify me as a bullshit expert. I guess you can make your own jokes there, but let’s move forward.

My son and his friend tend to bicker a lot. Much like Hillary and Barack. It’s usually over nothing, but things can get pretty heated. My daughter, much like the GOP, just loves to insight these little tiffs. Then the two older kids both get in trouble and Mommy praises daughter for being so good and so unlike those two bad children in their time-out chairs.

That worked once.

I’m rather well versed in playground bullshit and I can easily detect her ruse and sit the 3-year old in the time-out chair before moving forward with the bickering 5-year olds.

I don’t tolerate this behavior from my children, and I’m certainly not going to tolerate it from any of those involved in the political process.

I’m not stupid. My 3-year old is not going to trick me.

Captain Swift Boat isn’t going to trick me either.

Day One of your little campaign to throw things at Senator Obama and we already see right through you. You push out the photo (which, btw we’re all pretty much over that whole “scare us with Muslims” thing) and hook it with Michelle Obama’s “pride” comments and talk of patriotism starts.

Bwwhahahahahahahaha. Seriously, is that all you have?

My 3-year old at least bats her eyelashes a bit.

Neener. Neener. Neener.

Almost There Babbling From The Airport

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If you are on the phone with the talented Maria of ConsumerPop, you may want to pay closer attention to your children.
I’m just sayin’

-because mine tied each other up.

With a jump rope.

And if that were not enough, my daughter has decide, as of late,  to give me a very Valley-looking “whatever Mom” face while dressing up and carrying a purse. I’m screwed, yes. I know. Thanks.

I’m in the Atlanta Airport. I have not slept. A very nice woman sitting next to me on the flight from LA to ATL started snoozing about 3 minutes after take off and then leaned herself on my entire right side.

The next three hours and 29 minutes were spent gently nudging her off.

And then coughing loudly to wake her up.

And then jiggling my shoulder a bit.

And then shifting my hips.

And then literally dropping my shoulder to make her fall.

And then doing it all over again, and again, and again for 3 hours and 29 minutes.

And I would curl up and sleep here in the A T L but um, there is this SPOTLIGHT over my head and every seat that has an electrical outlet near it seems to also have a SPOTLIGHT overhead.

My only saving grace is Anderson Cooper on the airport TV telling me all about John McCain’s alleged Monica.

I miss my kids already. Kaiser tells me the boy seems to have bruised/blood-blistered his lip. This happened less than 2 hours of my leaving them in his care. Just sayin’.

Oh, and the girl has been coughing. Out of nowhere. All night since I left.

The more tired I become, the more incoherent this blog post seems. Hmmm.

Feminists for Peace and Barack Obama

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Sign the Petition. Visit the site to add your name.

“…Choosing to support Senator Obama was not an easy decision for us because electing a woman President would be a cause for celebration in itself and because we deplore the sexist attacks against Senator Clinton that have circulated in the media. However, we also recognize that the election of Barack Obama would be another historic achievement and that his support for gender equality has been unwavering.

In backing Senator Obama, we are mindful of the inconsistencies in his voting record and the limitations of his own plans for withdrawal. Yet it is noteworthy that at a time when this position was politically unpopular and when he was aiming for national office, Barack Obama opposed the U.S. invasion of Iraq and has spoken out against the war ever since. This puts him in a far better position to articulate a clear challenge to a Republican opponent.

We are also moved by the positive tone of the Obama campaign, the tremendous energy it has released across the country, the dramatic engagement of young people and the impetus for change that his candidacy embodies.

We are speaking out now because we cannot afford to elect another President who will continue the aggressive, interventionist policies of the present. “

Hell yes. My name is #1085. What’s yours?

Gut Check

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Why is it we doubt our instincts?

When I had my first child in 2003, I doubted my instincts constantly. I read all the books and listened to everyone’s advice. But I always had my own instinct on how it should be done. Eventually I went with my gut. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, all those issues everyone researches and debates…I went with my gut. It was based in fact, but littered with emotion.

Now, as my youngest turns three and my first born five…I am positive my gut was correct.

It’s really not unlike my gut decision to vote for Senator Obama. I read all the books, I researched the issues and listened to the advice. But in the end I went with my gut. It was emotional, but based in fact and information.

On February 5th I cast my vote for Senator Barack Obama. On February 12th I asked Senator Hillary Clinton to step down. On February 19th I am convinced my gut was correct. Seriously, go click on that last highlighted portion-Baratunde is my new blog crush.

While I watch the pundits spin tonight’s Wisconsin and Hawaii wins and hear them discuss the enormous weight of the next primaries, I’m packing for Ohio.

I’ve found my winter coat, which is good news because it’s been snowing.

This California girl also went out and got some tight/nylon type things for her legs thinking my usual sleeve-less dress with strappy, toe-less heels might not work so well in below freezing temperatures.

Why? Because another gut decision is proving itself successful and I’m off to Cincinnati to do some Photrade.com work.

To be fair, I also make some really insane, emotional, gut decisions.

For instance-look what I’m doing at SXSW Interactive Festival. It should be noted my Diva demands for my appearance include an 8lbs., pink, Hello Kitty bowling ball. Vodka Martinis-extra dirty, on demand. 4 bags of Fritos (which I don’t really like, but seemed like a Britney thing to do). Fiji Water-iced. And one of every t-shirt from vcwear.com, to be donated to the unfunded start-ups of my choosing.

Gut check says I should also go leave post-it notes all over the house for various reasons from exactly which child gets which medicine and at what dose to “the butt wipes are in the cabinet upstairs.”

My gut and I will check in from Ohio soon, if I survive the weather.

Maybe My Mom Will Help Too

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Looks like I’m not entirely crazy. My favorite part of the article is how they reference “party elders” as though there is also a secret knock and hazing ritual.

I nominate my Mom to help. She’ll whip their butts into unity so fast it will make your head spin.

In fact, I nominate just about all the Moms I know. I mean really, we handle needy, self-centered, spoiled, ego-maniacs all day. We force them to share. We force them to play nice. We put them in time-outs for negative attacks.

Can you imagine Obama and Clinton in a room stomping their feet saying “but it’s MY nomination! MINE MINE MINE?”

Now sweetie, I know you have the Superdelegates, but Barack did get the people’s vote.

And yes honey, I know you won Iowa, but Hillary took Michigan and Florida. I know we told you they wouldn’t count, but Daddy changed his mind. Sometimes life isn’t fair.

So long as they get their act together, because I really don’t want to be saying…

I’m sorry honey, but you were too busy fighting with your sister, and that mean old McCain came and took your Presidency. Maybe next time you’ll learn to work as a team.