Holding Court

The Business of Mommyblogging

March 31, 2008 by Queen of Spain 128 Comments

I’m getting myself very out of sorts lately following all the J&J, Disney drama. It has nothing to do with who got invited, who got snubbed, who got an email, who got a pitch, who is going, who is staying silent.

Nothing.

It has everything to do with the buzz word of the moment: ‘brand.’

Queen of Spain Blog is a brand. CityMama is a brand. Sarah and the Goon Squad is a brand. Mom101 is a brand. Karen Sugarpants is a brand. Table for Five is a brand. Suburban Oblivion is a brand.

From Heather Armstrong to Sparks and Butterflies to those of you getting 3 hits a day-2 of which are your husband-YOU ARE A BRAND.

I didn’t believe it either, then all these other people told me. Not that I needed them telling me, it was just the wake-up call to a slumber that started somewhere in San Jose about 2006 when I was cornered between a Weight Watcher representative, a Disney PR person, and a cameraman, all while nursing my daughter in the middle of a conference.

The proof is not in the community we’ve created. The proof is not in the ad checks we receive. The proof is not in the press or the interviews or the issuing of credentials to important functions.

The proof, my dear friends, is in the shift in corporate America.

Remember when we used to say “if only they knew how great and powerful we are they’d partner with us and pay to have us use their shit and we’ll all live happily every after!”

Guess what-they know. They know, they’re pitching, and they are finding you a wide-eyed doe in an open field. Not that I don’t love my does, but it is time to be re-educated in Mommyblogging. More important the BUSINESS of Mommyblogging.

I don’t know about you, but when I started Queen of Spain it was because I was at home with kids and needing something. I needed to get out my fears and my frustrations. I needed to talk about what I loved about being a mother, what I loathed about being a mother, and I needed to find other mothers like me to talk more about what we liked about being mothers, what we loathed about being mothers, and so on and so on.

Very few of us went into this thinking we were doing anything other than writing, finding friends, talking shop. Even fewer of us went into this realizing we were creating a business.

I want you to understand in no uncertain terms: Mommyblogging is a business.

I know half of you are shaking your heads and saying things like “I’m not really here for that, I just want to lament about potty training and gab with my girlfriends and maybe make a few extra bucks to pay a few bills.”

While all of that is true, understand you have graduated from “make a few extra bucks” to “they want us so bad they are sending us on all expense paid trips, filling our inboxes with press releases (fyi PR peeps-I’m not the New York Times I’m a mommyblog. If I were a reporter your release might come in handy, in my email-not so much) and partnering with some of us to consult, sit on a focus group, even blog on their corporate website.

You. Are. A. Business.

Here’s the problem: most of us don’t know shit about business (myself included) and they are taking advantage of our ignorance.

I’m sorry ladies, truth hurts. You’re getting snowed, fleeced, taken, abused, used.

I am too. Correction, I was.

I am the first to admit I want an open and transparent partnership with companies that come a courtin’. But I want it at market value. If my market is WOMEN ONLINE, what’s the value?

Recently I about lost my mind reading a very sweet post over at the LadyBug and her Blogging Mama. It’s something that has popped up a few times on many of the blogs discussing all the recent PR and marketing dust ups.

The idea goes if we are not nice to corporate muckity mucks, and if we don’t mind our Ps and Qs like good little girls, none of us will get flown anywhere, ever again, and we’ll be stuck to wallow in our silly little community. In other words: ‘you Mommybloggers need to quit your bitching or the big boys and their big money are going to go away.’

Heh.

As you can imagine I started to type a rather half-crazed response, when I noticed something else over at Self-Made Mom’s comment section,

“This Disney event was a test, one that now may not soon be duplicated.”-Maria Bailey

Now for those who don’t know, Maria is paid by Disney to arrange these sorts of meetings. Maria contacted me in September of last year to attend a similar event for Halloween. We went. We had fun. Apparently no one objected to it being held on Satan’s Holiday and all went off without a hitch.

I too have consulted, and have gotten paid, by Disney to help them better understand Mommyblogs.

They paid me $6,000 for what essentially amounted to a few emails, a survey, and a meeting. (that last sentence is called being TRANSPARENT-goes right along with that ‘brand’ word we discussed at the beginning)

But here is the important part and why I am pointing out Maria’s quote- “…one that may not soon be duplicated…” which, in my opinion, implies Disney told her to this isn’t going to happen again if we keep yapping on our blogs.

Despite the fact that I’m a bit confused by this is an ‘experiment’ when I did something similar months upon months ago and it was a huge success, (and they did something in Palo Alto awhile back too) I’m more confused by Disney possibly not wanting to connect with influential Moms. Or the idea that companies don’t want to come inside social media and use us as their advertising because we might actually talk back.

At what point did I miss them not needing Moms. Are you seriously trying to backhandedly threaten me, and imply Disney doesn’t need Moms? Are you telling me Johnson and Johnson doesn’t need Moms to buy their baby shampoo too? Maybe they will market J&J babywash to single males instead??

If sales are dropping dramatically for magazines, if viewership has dropped dramatically for television, if MILLIONS OF MOTHERS ARE NOW ONLINE READING AND WATCHING AND CONSUMING are you really trying to tell me my mouth is what is going to drive them back into their corporate headquarters???!!!

“Oh, shit! Those Moms have OPINIONS! Holy fuck! Quick-get me the best team in the world and let’s figure out how to get all those Moms offline and BACK watching Days of Our Lives because marketing to a person as opposed to throwing a shitty 30 second spot together is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too hard!”

…and then Mr. CEO realizes we still hold the pursestrings and he doesn’t have a motherfreaking choice. He has to assemble that social media team to come play by our rules or we’re buying the organic shampoo at half the price a friend of a friend blogged about last week.

My latest and greatest concern in this entire Mommyblogging Coming Out party is very simple: don’t be a sucker. I too have been a sucker, don’t be me.

Take the free trip but take it knowing what it means for your brand. Take the free box of diapers understanding this is a business deal. Treat all of this not like a star-struck fan, happy to get some bibs in the mail, treat it LIKE A BUSINESS.

They want you to blog their product? Charge them for ad space. They want to know if you think other Mommybloggers will like their new website? Charge them a consulting fee.

And for good measure, you might want to know who you are dealing with on the other end. They want a piece of the action too, and allegedly don’t mind stretching the truth to get it.

This is business, not personal. This is about me saying ‘yes, I help out Photrade.com and if I ask you about using our new ad format -this is business.’ This is about you saying ‘yes, I’m blogging this humidifier because some PR company sent it to me, and they followed up with 30 emails and I’m afraid if I don’t say Vic’s Humidifier on my blog they may never send me anything again.’

This is also about realizing the true value of our community and what it’s become. Make no mistake, they need you-make them treat you appropriately.

If they give you shit, send them to me.

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa, Holding Court, Queen's Photrade, Queenie Backup, Royal Rant

The Story I Didn’t Tell You

March 26, 2008 by Queen of Spain 30 Comments

On Super Tuesday, February 5th 2008, I drove to Central Los Angeles (with pneumonia) and interviewed Congresswoman Maxine Waters for BlogHer.com.

During the course of the interview we discussed why she was supporting Senator Hillary Clinton and I shared with her the story of my very stubborn grandfather who, no joke here, thought I would grow up and be a ‘fine secretary’ one day. I thought it was an important point to make; a 90-year old man with some very ‘traditional’ ideas was going to vote for a woman. I’d like to think it meant progress.

What I didn’t tell the viewer, or the Congresswoman, was that in the same breathe my grandfather championed Hillary, he called Senator Obama (and I’m paraphrasing) slimy like that Jesse Jackson and a typical black politician. Mind you all of this information came to me through my Dad, who I am guessing censored.

While a 90-year old, former Chrysler worker, blue-collar, union, grandfather being racist may not be all that shocking, what happened in my mind is – I just shrugged it off and accepted it as life.

In my mind, I filed it in the ‘some people are just like that’ category and moved on.

Now I’m not saying I was going to give my grandfather a call and lecture him, as he is not always very clear on thought these days, but I could have at least processed the gravity of what I had just witnessed.

My grandfather let go of sexism (sort of) before he let go of his racism.

I say ‘sort of’ because I can’t seem to shake conversations I’ve had over the years. The ones where he would be proud to the point of playing tapes for his friends of my radio news days, yet convinced I should be having more than two children.

I’m also very used to racism in my own family. My childhood memories are littered with my uncle screaming N***** RUN! at the tv while watching football. My cousin knew she was being a rebel by putting a poster of Michael Jordan on her bedroom wall.

As I watch the race issue continue to unfold in this election, I wonder how many more grandfathers and uncles are out there. The ones who would congratulate me on ‘marrying well’ and then decide voting for a woman was a much better option than voting for a black man.

I don’t have the knowledge or the expertise to go into all the reasons why these things are the way they are, but I am watching poll numbers for Senator Obama dip since the Wright flap. It’s beyond discouraging. It leaves me without much pride for this nation. It is starting to make me very angry that it matters.

God Damn America, indeed.

There. I said it. Let’s see the outrage. Let’s see the hate. Tell me how unpatriotic I am and how I’m evil.

Let me say it louder

GOD DAMN AMERICA

Prove me wrong. Show me you’re not a bunch of racist idiots.

Don’t let them fool you-the Rev. Wright fiasco is ENTIRELY about race.

How many of you have been to a black church? Show of hands please. How many of you know or even TRY to know the reasons for anything that *may* happen inside a black congregation? How many of you have seen or read the ENTIRE sermon?

I am not an African-American. I am not a minority. I do not even pretend to know the experience. But at the very least I have attempted to educate myself. At the very least I have stepped outside of my safe suburb and stood at First AME in Los Angeles.

Rev. Chip Murray, who has since retired, was one of the most inspirational men I have EVER met in my life. I have struggled with religion since I was a child and I can honestly say the ONLY person who ever came close to bringing me to God was a black preacher in Los Angeles.

That particular church had members doing and saying exactly the words of Rev. Wright and this white girl was always welcome in those doors. Welcomed with hugs and kisses and invitations to picnics after services.

In the end I have to believe that if my 90-year old grandfather can make just enough progress to vote for a woman, the rest of you-who have far longer lives ahead of you and far more clear thoughts left, can go all the way and make enough progress to vote for a person of color.

It is time. Hell, even Dave Winer admits he’s racist and voting for Obama.

The discussions are happening. Be real. Get yourself involved in them. Talk about it, write about it, be honest about it ALL.

It is time for this nation to get over this, or at the very least make an honest effort to try. You can’t do that if you’re afraid to ask or to speak up or to learn.

If not, we are a damned America, for certain.

Filed Under: Holding Court, Queen MOMocrat, War in Iraq Sucks It

Because Facebook Still Sucks

March 10, 2008 by Queen of Spain 14 Comments

Have you heard yet?

I left two sick kids at home to arrive in Austin and hear all about the flirty woman fawning over Mark Zuckerberg at SXSW. Then I got to stand next to Robert Scoble as he was shown what Sarah Lacy was saying on Twitter, after what he said on Twitter, and it was all Melrose Place from then on out.

I missed the keynote, but from the clips I’ve seen the interview was pretty fluffy. Not Katie Couric/Colin Farrell Fluffy, but close. Was it appropriate for SXSW? Probably. Was it advisable for SXSW or Facebook? Yeah…that’s where I have issues.

For many, many months the rumblings have grown and now it’s common knowledge that Facebook sucks. IT SUCKS.

We all either just use it for Scrabulous or we are on it because we can’t figure out how to delete our accounts. I mean, I’m already a hottie over there and on a wagon train in the Oregon Trail, what more could I possibly use it for?

Point is, everyone complains out it all the time. Beacon is slammed repeatedly and mocked, everyone is sick of Zombies.

It might be popular as hell with my high school cousin and students, but I’m not a student. I don’t see too many high schoolers here at SXSW.

So why in the hell would SXSW book- and would Mark Zuckerberg accept- to sit in front of a bunch of geeks (that’s me too) and yap about the thing they love to RIP the most? Throw in a ‘soft’ interview and the recipe for disaster is huge.

Remember when Microsoft brought the Be Jane women out to BlogHer ’06? Yeah, this was worse. Imagine that level of tense and uncomfy with heckling. As people were walking out they were heckling, as people walked into a common area on the 3rd floor they were still heckling and totally mocking.

But let’s be clear, I’m not mad I missed the hair tossing and ‘in my new book’ references on stage. I’m pissed because I was under the impression that I’d be able to stand in line and ask Mr. Facebook a question.

I broke laws getting from the airport to the convention center so I could have a nice chat with Mark about breastfeeding.

No really.

Instead I walked into the convention center and heard nothing but “dude that sucked” and “is she dating him?” and “that was some lame ass shit man.” And what is worse, Facebook- a bonafide social media monster, has a CEO that doesn’t engage with his audience. A CEO that doesn’t listen to the MOMS pissed off about pro anorexia groups being allowed to remain while women posting a pic of their child eating is removed. Who doesn’t hear why Beacon was so widely panned. Or why some people might be offended and deserve a response to the hate groups seething on the site.

So forgive me if I’m not shocked this was a huge mess.

Here I flew 4 hours and raced because I thought this was my chance to ‘join the discussion’ with a man responsible for a big brush up in my little mom-o-sphere. In my social media life. And assumed since this was social media we all might get a chance to say…talk.

Huh.
Guess not.

On a much happier note, I got to bowl with a pink ball. I mean, come on…that totally makes up for not being able to yell at Facebook boy.

Filed Under: Holding Court

Enjoy while I pack and take temperatures

March 6, 2008 by Queen of Spain 6 Comments

My daughter is sick and I’m getting ready for SXSW, so today I give you fun links to enjoy:

First and foremost, my favorite educator via boob tube, PBS, has THE thing that will keep your preschooler busy while you blog, or watch election returns.

PBS Kids PLAY has had my 5yr old and 3yr old engrossed for a few weeks now. Yes, it’s a download. Yes, it’s in beta. But if you want them to LEARN not just play Vegas style games and buy new lamps for their stuffed Pony, DOWNLOAD NOW. You can set time limits, those wacky PBS characters make them take stretch breaks. We love it and it’s guilt free.

Speaking of Vegas Style games and new lamps for stuffed ponies…CRAZY GeekMommy, understanding my plight as a Mom who desperately wanted her own WebKinz, sent me QT Vest, the Terrier.

The kids promptly stole her

Oh but wait-it doesn’t end there. Another crazed mamma , who’s daughter my son is destined to woo and marry (yes, I said woo) is sending another Webkinz which I SWORE on my new PINK DELL notebook would be only for Mommy, not the kids. And DUH, of course she sent a poodle.

I’m proud to announce I’ve joined MOMocrats. Look for much more of my ranting soon.

I just noticed Sarah and I both were thinking of Better Off Dead recently. What happened to the chick in that movie? Anyone? Fraaunch bread…Frauunch fries…and of course…he put his testicles all over me…his what? his testicles!

I’ve finished the Other Boleyn Girl and do NOT want to see the movie. No one can be as hot as King Henry from the Tudors and there is no way Natalie Portman has the swagger to pull off Anne Boleyn. Even at her SNL thug best. I just can’t see it. I’m trying, I just can’t.

Baby girl is awake and back at 102.1 degrees. Go click away.

Filed Under: Holding Court, Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies

Gut Check

February 20, 2008 by Queen of Spain 10 Comments

Why is it we doubt our instincts?

When I had my first child in 2003, I doubted my instincts constantly. I read all the books and listened to everyone’s advice. But I always had my own instinct on how it should be done. Eventually I went with my gut. Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, all those issues everyone researches and debates…I went with my gut. It was based in fact, but littered with emotion.

Now, as my youngest turns three and my first born five…I am positive my gut was correct.

It’s really not unlike my gut decision to vote for Senator Obama. I read all the books, I researched the issues and listened to the advice. But in the end I went with my gut. It was emotional, but based in fact and information.

On February 5th I cast my vote for Senator Barack Obama. On February 12th I asked Senator Hillary Clinton to step down. On February 19th I am convinced my gut was correct. Seriously, go click on that last highlighted portion-Baratunde is my new blog crush.

While I watch the pundits spin tonight’s Wisconsin and Hawaii wins and hear them discuss the enormous weight of the next primaries, I’m packing for Ohio.

I’ve found my winter coat, which is good news because it’s been snowing.

This California girl also went out and got some tight/nylon type things for her legs thinking my usual sleeve-less dress with strappy, toe-less heels might not work so well in below freezing temperatures.

Why? Because another gut decision is proving itself successful and I’m off to Cincinnati to do some Photrade.com work.

To be fair, I also make some really insane, emotional, gut decisions.

For instance-look what I’m doing at SXSW Interactive Festival. It should be noted my Diva demands for my appearance include an 8lbs., pink, Hello Kitty bowling ball. Vodka Martinis-extra dirty, on demand. 4 bags of Fritos (which I don’t really like, but seemed like a Britney thing to do). Fiji Water-iced. And one of every t-shirt from vcwear.com, to be donated to the unfunded start-ups of my choosing.

Gut check says I should also go leave post-it notes all over the house for various reasons from exactly which child gets which medicine and at what dose to “the butt wipes are in the cabinet upstairs.”

My gut and I will check in from Ohio soon, if I survive the weather.

Filed Under: Holding Court, Queen's Photrade

I Ain’t Got Nuthin’ But Love For Ya’*

February 14, 2008 by Queen of Spain 14 Comments

Much like when I wrote an open letter to Michelle Obama in December of 2006, I now find myself scratching my head at the response to my letter to Senator Hillary Clinton.

You people are crazy.

Alright, not all of you. In fact, I owe hugs and beers to many of you for your support. Even if you did not agree with my “whacky” idea that a candidate quit the race, you were respectful in your discussion. So thanks. And let’s face it, respectful in discussion is more than I usually am, so you get bonus points from me for keeping a level head.

The rest of you may just want to keep watching American Idol and worrying about Britney instead of coming back to this blog.

Some thoughts as I scan the hundreds of comments over at Huffington Post, at Digg, and here on Queen of Spain:

-candidates drop out of races all the damn time and states continue to vote in primaries that don’t matter. I live in California. My primary vote never mattered until this year. I’ve voted in PLENTY of elections in which it was already decided by the time my state got a chance. Guess what? You still get to vote in a general election. No really. I swear.

-If you don’t think Senator Clinton is divisive, read the comments in the last post.

-I don’t want anyone to give up on “fighting” for us or for themselves. Please. I realize the race is still neck and neck, I’m not a moron. What I was asking of the Senator was to sacrifice due to her inability to win over those Hillary-haters. She’s had time, it’s not working. That means if she wins (and mind you, if she does I am 100% behind her) we will be in a very similar situation as we are with George W. Sure, she’s on my team…but that does not change the hate. Yes, of course there are Senator Obama haters. OF COURSE. I just haven’t seen the same level of divisiveness with him. If anything, he’s winning many over.

-Superdelegates. Or as my son calls them, Super-sniff-my-butts, because he misheard me talking about them on the phone. But really, we might as well call them Super-sniff-my-butts. I’m really not liking these scenarios where Obama wins the popular vote and Clinton convinces more Superdelegates. Scary. And worthy of a revolution. As if the electoral college isn’t bad enough, now we’re faced with a frightening Superdelegate situation. Whoo hoo Democracy.

-What I was asking Senator Clinton do to was earth shattering and I realize that. I do not want a repeat of South Carolina. I do not want to see this party fight it out until the END of August and the convention leaving a bitter taste in all our mouths. The momentum of Obama’s campaign, coupled with the grassroots base and the divisiveness of Clinton does nothing but lead me to an early September of not just disenfranchised voters but near riots. I can’t be the only one who sees this coming.

-It’s Valentine’s Day. Let’s at least pretend to get along. I’m looking at the Wisconsin ads now and am quickly becoming disgusted at both campaigns when I see where this is heading. It is not pretty and it is most certainly politics as usual.

We can talk more about this tomorrow-live on ooVoo. Tell me why you hated, loved, wanted to rip to shreds my letter to Senator Clinton. Tell me if you have a better idea how to heal this country. Or are you over the idea of bringing everyone back together? Would you rather just win in November and oppress those right-wingers for a few decades?

In the meantime, I’m off to hug some Valentines…

*titled especially for the grammar nazi’s

Filed Under: Holding Court, kill me now, Queenie Backup, War in Iraq Sucks It

How Hillary Can Win Me Back

January 6, 2008 by Queen of Spain 13 Comments

I saw it during the ABC/Facebook debate last night. That spark. I SAW IT.

When Edwards and Obama started hammering her tag-team style, she got ANGRY-that’s when the Hillary I used to love came back out to fight.

Of course, that Hillary is the one that tends to fire me up while turning others off. That’s the Hillary that gets the sexist and conservative voters calling her the b word and railing against having a crazy woman in power.

That fight I saw in her? It was real. Genuine. It was the kind of thing her campaign was trying to manufacture with those cackles on national television and giggles of a “softer side.” Why can’t they just admit “Hillary lite” isn’t nearly as exciting and commanding as “Hillary pissed and yelling” – don’t sell me a softer Hillary, sell me what I KNOW works and gets stuff done: Raging Ass Kicker Hillary.

I don’t care anymore if you hate her for it. You hated her anyway and you’ll hate her again. I don’t care if she’s so far into the establishment she is considered the “same old thing.”

Bring back the Hillary people love to hate instead of this Middle-of-The-Road-play-all-sides, rhetoric spewing android democrat and she’ll get me back. Then we can talk about experience AND history. Then we can talk about having the resume AND being the First Woman President.

She was right last night-a woman in the oval office would be huge. But no one is talking about it yet. No one is excited about it yet-why? She’s made us forget she could make history by becoming one of the many drones of politics. By becoming one of them. She used to be trail blazer, now she’s lost in the herd.

Show me that trail blazer again. Show me the woman who tried to push universal health care while not even a politician. Who, when I was still a teenager, had me reading up on drug makers and their lobby. Who had me proud and excited a strong and vocal woman was injecting herself into the national spotlight in a way no other First Lady has.

Let her loose.

Then all those women and young people the Hillary camp took for granted-all those WOMEN LIKE ME who have been waiting their ENTIRE LIVES for this just might consider making it happen.

Let her loose.

And hope it’s not too late.

crossposted at the Huffington Post

Filed Under: BlogHer, Feeling YaYa, Holding Court, War in Iraq Sucks It

Dear Michelle Obama, A Look Back

January 2, 2008 by Queen of Spain 7 Comments

About a year ago, I wrote an open letter to Michelle Obama and published it here on the Huffington Post. It was picked up by the Chicago Sun Times and for one reason or another became a heavy topic around the web and at dinner tables because me-the white suburban mom-dared to utter the word everyone is thinking but no one wants to say.

It was probably one of the most sincere and heartfelt things I have ever written in my life. At the time I was getting ready for Christmas with my family and watching the candidates slowly declare for 2008.

I couldn’t help but wonder what on earth Michelle Obama was thinking. Not as a prominent player in American politics or as the wife of a Senator. I was wondering what the “Mom” in her was struggling with, if anything:

“The simple fact that I know you are weighing this decision with such intensity makes me like you and your husband even more. It confirms to me you are the type of people I think you are: smart, loving, educated, and with great common sense. Frankly, it makes me want your husband in the Oval Office even more. I’m just not sure my needs outweigh the cost to you and yours. I don’t want to seem like a selfish American, but it will take something BIG to give hope to this country and those of us disheartened, disenfranchised, and just plain disgusted with the current state of affairs. Yes, I want Senator Barack Obama to be that something big. I want him to be the answer. I want to ask you to support his run in 2008. But I can’t. I can’t ask you to do it for me. I can’t ask you to do it for the children or for the future or for the good of mankind. You are a mother, like I am a mother, and I know I can’t ask that of you.

I can only wait.

Whatever you decide, the Moms, if no one else, will understand and have your back.”

Many things have happened in the year since I wrote those paragraphs. Senator Obama is, in fact, a presidential candidate and depending which poll you like best, he’s not just in the race-he’s in the lead.

Again I find my mind wandering back to Michelle Obama. Because she’s a mother. Because she’s a woman holding two little girls hands, standing next to her husband, with history on the line.

I get twinges of this feeling with Senator Hillary Clinton. They are more reserved, and I haven’t exactly figured out why. The mother piece is there. The woman piece. The history. The first. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the Senator. If she is the Democratic Nominee she will absolutely get my vote and I’ll be first in line to champion the first woman President of the United States of America.

Maybe it’s the sacrifice that is missing. Maybe I look at Michelle Obama and her family’s potential first differently than Senator Clinton’s. We all know the Clinton family has been dealing with the White House and all it entails, and Chelsea is grown and it seems just less…risky? Maybe that’s naive of me. Whatever the reason, the more I see Senator Obama climb in the polls, the more my mind thinks of his wife and family.

When the firestorm erupted over my original article I responded on my personal blog,

“But that really is what all of this is about. It’s about being a mother. Do you go with showing your children just how big of an impact you can make on the world? Do you take the safer route? It’s about choices. And the millions of choices that go with motherhood. Breast or bottle. Work or home. Cloth or disposable? It. Never. Ends.

My letter to Michelle Obama was nothing more than my sympathy and empathy for having to make yet another motherhood decision. And as we all know, what is best for one family is not, necessarily best for the next.

I still breastfeed my 21-month old. That is a choice that I get shit for. But it works for my family. Sure, it’s not an oval office issue or anything, but it’s an issue none the less. And it seems we women get shit for any decision we make on any motherhood issue.

As a mother, and a mother with a rather LOUD speaking platform, I will happily get the back of ANY MOM for their decisions. It’s time for the world to SHUT THE FUCK UP and remember it’s the mothers who sacrifice, suffer, and agonize over those decisions.”

Then, of course, I received another round of hate mail because I’m a mother and a woman and I curse.

The Obama and Clinton family will always have my utmost respect simply for trying to be the first-motives not withstanding. There is risk in this for white, Southern, male John Edwards but I’m not sure it’s the risk of the first minority or the first woman.

I realize we’re all trying to get past this whole race/gender thing…but let’s be real here-you and I both know people who say things like “I just don’t want a black man as president” or “I just can’t vote for a woman.” Throw in the “mother” and “family” factor and I think the Obama’s and Clinton’s will never get a fair shake.

I know-I’m a woman. I’m a mother. We can’t even pick out the right toy at the store without it being a national issue.

I am at a total loss for what I may be writing one year from now. I’m not even sure who I’m voting for let alone what I think might happen come next holiday season. Will we be talking of risk and firsts or will be over it entirely and already bitching about those first 100 days in office?

What I do know, is the same holds true today as I wrote last year:

“The talking heads and pundits can make fun of me all they want, but how soon they forget photos like this, and this, and this. It’s easy to dismiss a ‘self-described Mom’ when she’s showing support for a fellow mother, but it’s not so easy to dismiss all the mothers, wives, and children I see in those photos.

So mount your protests and do your best spin on my very honest letter. Just keep reading. Because the Mom voice will stay loud, and we’re making the decisions that rock the world-whether you like it or not.”

Crossposted at the Huffington Post

Filed Under: #SUCKITLupus, Holding Court, Queenie Backup