I’ve Heard Enough Singing from the NetRoots

I’m the first to admit I am hard-headed.

and the readers laugh

I make a decision on something, and I get passionate about it. As if I’m leading a cult, I whip a frenzy of followers into getting passionate too and we march into battle.

Then somewhere along the lines, usually while marching, I realize I am probably being a wee bit extreme about the whole thing and maybe, just maybe, there is a more sensible way to approach this whole ‘battle.’ Which may or may not have really been a battle in the first place.

I’d like to think the difference between myself, and (for example) the community over at Daily Kos, is somewhere along the lines I catch myself and adjust.

I calm down.

I think.

I listen.

I do this, usually, while continuing to stand up for what I believe, adjusting my fight, and making sure I do all of the above in a manner that won’t SCREW my candidate.

I was willing to give my passionate friends over at Kos a hat tip and nod after the FISA uproar. I was willing to let the NetRoots be fringe, or bleeding edge-as the kid’s say.

Then they went and banned my friend Lee Stranahan.

Daily Kos. Banning.

No, no…really.

The liberal, ‘censorship sucks, we hate those who won’t listen to our point of view’ blog of the NetRoots, Daily Kos.

Now I’m convinced they are extremists who are no better than the Neo-Con, censoring, fundies.

Can I just remind you, oh holier than thou NetRoots…the Democratic candidate is a man who brings everyone to the table. He hears everyone out. He strives to make everyone work together- regardless of extremism.

I may not LIKE or support the idea of offshore drilling, but I do understand that we can’t just shut out one point of view. I may not LIKE the compromise on FISA, but I sure as hell understand that we need to take small steps in order to take giant ones. I may not LIKE that a liberal blogger is talking about the alleged Edwards affair, but I sure as HELL need to listen and be AWARE.

You can keep sticking your fingers in your ears and singing lalalalalalalalalalalalala. It’s one of my own favorite go-to moves. But trust me, in the end I catch myself. Because I just spent 8 years with an administration that sang a lot and didn’t listen. With a nation of conservatives hell bent on refusing to hear why I didn’t want prayer in my schools and why I wanted to control my own reproduction.

They didn’t want to listen. And once in power, they felt they didn’t have to listen.

Flash forward to 2008 and the power of the blogosphere.

You may not want to listen. Hell, I don’t want to listen.

But you have to listen.

Hold candidates accountable, reasonably march into battle….

…just take your fingers out of your damn ears and make room at the table for everyone.

*editor’s note: Lee Stranahan is tonight’s guest on Sunday Inquisition. Let’s hear it right from him….

Erin Kotecki Vest is usually over at Queen of Spain Blog causing trouble. Or behaving. Depending.

Come Talk Politics With Me…Live

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An Open Letter To MommyBloggers

Back in 2006, as the PR companies started circling and the world was just starting to catch on to this ‘Mommyblogging’ phenomenon, I very clumsily attempted to tell Heather Armstrong the A-listers were hurting my feelings.

Of course this was at BlogHer con, and I was tipsy, so it came out very awkward and bitchy. I had heard grumblings of the cool kids’ club. I had heard complaints that all these new Mombloggers were just copycats. I wanted to know if the community I shoved myself into was, in fact, real and supportive.

Heather was, of course, gracious and understanding. She didn’t feel that way at all, she loves this community, and so on and so forth.

I felt better.

Flash forward to 2008 and BlogHer con just around the corner. I’m watching some high profile names make some pretty hefty accusations and some new and eager bloggers scratch their heads, fight back, and even second guess this amazing community.

The good thing about us bloggers, is we talk. We comment, we discuss, we post. Communicate. Sometimes we over-communicate…but at least it’s out there.

With the rise of Mommyblogging has come growing pains, competition, traffic, ad money, the works. It’s exciting and it’s frustrating. There are no longer thousands of us, there are millions and we have influence and reach.

What we can not stand to lose, is the community.

It is what makes us. It is what drives us. It is the entire reason we are who we are. There will always be flamewars and snarking and back channel chatter about who did what to whom. Human nature. But what is new is the megaphone’s power.

I learned this the hard way. I am one of the megaphone’s biggest abusers.

Like it or not, you are now widely read and widely heard. Like it or not, it comes with responsibility. Trust me, I’m the last person to like the responsibility part of it all.

Not too long ago a few entrepreneurs I know bickered over some ventures. One thought the other was copying, the other thought he was making it his own. The analogy that came up: it was like McDonalds getting mad Burger King had come to town and set up shop across the street.

I think that is a fair analogy here. McDonalds is mad Burger King is making hamburgers. However, as we all know, no one has the monopoly on hamburgers.

No one has a monopoly on snarky parentblogging either. Or the name ‘Queen’ or even who gets to be loudest at any given moment. I may protect my ‘business’ but I certainly can’t hate that someone wants to be the Pepsi to my Coke.

What we DO have a monopoly on is community. We own this one, outright. All of us. Not one of us is more of a rockstar than the other, and we all take inspiration from each other. MORE importantly, we all RELY on each other. We all know why we are involved in this blogging/twitter/fill-in-the-blank-social-media-service-here: it’s the support, the advice, the friendship.

As I have watched other communities get into pissing matches, it strikes me how much we may be traveling down that road.

Fame and fortune bring trainwrecks I guess. I’d like to see us remain the ‘closest knit community online.’

Because in case you hadn’t noticed, the world is watching.

Dear Senator Hillary Clinton, Please Step Down (the re-post)

 It seemed only appropriate that on the day where Senator Obama may get all the delegates he needs to end this primary race, I reiterate my call to Senator Clinton.

A  lot has changed since I wrote this post on February 12, 2008. I no longer have the respect for the Senator I once did. I no longer trust her campaign or her motives. My first inkling was way back when she swore she wasn’t running for office, or for the senate, or for president. And those Clinton haters wouldn’t buy it for a second. Here we are in 2008 and she’s a Senator from New York and a presidential hopeful.

Fool me once.

I’ve seen sexism played out against her, and I’ve seen her use it to her advantage. The Clinton campaign has denied gender is an issue and played the victim of misogyny on the same day, out-loud, in the media.

I have even watched her use the GOP fear-tactics we all have rallied against in the current administration.

Yet time and time again I’ve wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Time and time again, with my anger boiling over, I’ve conceded that she’s tough and brilliant.

She is not the candidate I thought I knew when this race began, and if Senator Clinton cares at all about winning back my respect or at the very least making sure there is a Democrat in the White House-she will finally, and with  all the humility she can muster, step down.

I do not believe she has the ‘popular vote’ because she is not counting caucus voters.

I do not believe she can sway any remaining superdelegates without having them turn on the voters they represent.

I do not believe she deserves the full seating of MI and FL at the convention. I am not arguing what the states deserve. I am arguing what her campaign deserves. And we all know Clinton flip-flopped on those states when it was clear she needed them to win. Normally one would call that ‘dirty campaign tricks’ and by far something done far and wide by politicians.  I’m over the far and wide way politicians do things and how we, far and wide, just accept it as normal.

This post was written months ago with emotion and conflict. It was written in the heat of the moment, while speeches played on the tv in front of me.

Instead of yelling. Instead of getting really angry again. Instead of using hate, I am simply going to re-post.

You can find the original post and it’s comments here.

This is a very hard letter for me to write, so please bear with me.

I’d like to ask you, with all due respect and humility, to step down as a Democratic Candidate for President of the United States.

Please understand this is not because I believe you can not or should not lead this nation. Please understand that I find you qualified, capable, and worthy. Please also understand I want nothing more than to see a female as the leader of the free world. I would be pleased and honored if you were that female.

However I am finding, right or wrong, many citizens of this country seem to react to you on an emotional level. Emotional, not practical. They can’t seem to see your record. They can’t seem to see your policy. They just hear or read “Hillary” and venom or praise spews.

I thought that with your candidacy, would come reason. I thought that you would be able to get a fair shake by main stream media, by voters, by sexists, and by soccer moms. I thought over time people would begin to see that you really are an effective politician.

I was wrong.

Tonight, I’m typing as I watch you speak in El Paso, Texas. I’m sad. There really is no other way to put it-I’m sad.

I truly believed you would be the best person for the job, and I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that is now at the forefront. The thought that drove me on Super Tuesday to Vote for Senator Obama and the thought that is the driving force as I write tonight: Senator Hillary Clinton divides this country.

It’s not fair. It’s not right. And under just about ANY other circumstance I would go to the mat for you. However we are a wounded and deeply divided nation. We are a nation at war. We are a nation at odds with each-other. It’s ugly. I thought you could get people past it. I really did.

When I told myself it was gender that got people going, I refrained from asking and wanting you to step aside. Simply on principle, I wanted to see you run and win because they said it couldn’t be done. Because it was my belief, this was all about being a girl.

It’s not, and I was wrong.

I firmly believe while the gender issue has given you a handicap I hope we all one day overcome, it is NOT the reason people have a gut reaction to you or your campaign or your legacy.

Enter the Senator from Illinois, and what I think could be your true legacy. If you were to step aside now, shockingly early and shockingly un-Hilllary-like, you could galvanize an entire nation behind your party. If you were to throw your weight, and your tremendous political clout behind Senator Obama you could still change the world and make your mark in a way no one would expect and everyone would admire.

I don’t want to see you throw in the towel because the fight is too hard or the mountain too tall. I am asking you to throw it in because history is on the line. It is not the history either of us expected, however it is an equally important, momentous, earthshaking change in this country we sorely need.

Do something no one would ever expect. Do something extraordinary. Do something that changes politics as usual and changes history.

I could have never predicted having to chose between what my husband called “the lesser of two goods, not the lesser of two evils” when it came time to cast my vote.

It was agonizing.

But in the end, with no major policy difference and valid reasons on BOTH sides, I had to go with the candidate who I thought could best bring our nation back together. Who could cross party lines and gender lines and racial lines.

I wanted it to be you, but it’s not. For some reason you still get people very riled up, and not in the good way.

There is no way around it-it sucks. But after 7 years of nothing but fighting and head shaking and feeling like we’re living in two Americas, I can’t do it again. Not even if my team is in office.

I really hate asking you to do this, but I want you to please step down and let this nation heal.

We’ve been too angry for too long and your history and your name brings a suitcase of anger to the White House front door.

With the full weight of the Clinton name, behind the scenes, your true legacy could be written. With the full weight of the Clinton know-how you could help orchestrate the next chapter in American history where an African-American leads our nation.

It is this time in history your nation needs you.

As nation’s go, ours has never been one to do things the way we predict. Who could have seen when we finally get our first, legitimate, female front runner we’d see our first, legitimate front runner of color?

Our nation and it’s people need you to do what is best for this country. We need you to be true to what you say on the stump and bring us back together.

If you firmly believe that there is still time for you to change the hearts and minds of those rude and stubborn Americans who are voting with their gut when they see “Hillary” on the ballot-then please, prove me wrong. I’ll be at the Democratic National Convention come August and I’ll hold up my Hillary sign loud and proud and fall in line.

But I think you’ve tried. You tried with everything you had to overcome that Clinton-emotional reaction. Here we are, moving into Texas and Ohio and Pennsylvania-and it’s not you winning over hearts and minds, it’s the Senator from Illinois.

Let’s end the division in this country now. Right now. Let’s start with the Democratic Party early and provide a united front against the GOP months ahead of schedule.

Let’s take back this country for the people, with you playing a much different role than you envisioned.

Make history. Make us one. Step down now.

Sincerely,

Erin Kotecki Vest

voter, mother, woman, feminist, writer, dreamer, and Hillary fan

I am only going to say this once

They keep talking about it.

How to do it.

When to do it.

Who should do it.

If they are doing it right.

I’m going to make this very simple.

I’m not going to mince words.

I am not going to say this again:

Much like in blogging, content is king (or queen). If your content sucks, no one will read you. If the product or service you are pitching me sucks, I’m not talking about it.

Be personal in your approach, be generous with the free shit, even be my friend.

But if the product you are hocking blows-I’m either making fun of it or I am ignoring it.

Even the expensive free stuff won’t help you (see: Johnson and Johnson Camp Baby) and even the continued effort to ‘be my friend’ won’t save you if you

a)suck

or

b)have a sucky product

or

c)try and take me for a sucker with your sucky product and fake friendship.

Let it be known here and now: I am not stupid. Please stop assuming I am.

This is not rocket science. It really is not. I have no idea why this is a huge deal in your life. I have no idea why you keep going over this again and again and again.

Debate for hours on end which is the right way to do it. Debate for months on end if PR needs to change.

I don’t really fucking care.

Successful pitches for ME have done it MY way, not yours and their product or service was actually WORTH talking about.

I may not have the same rules as the blog next door.

I may not even stick to my own rules all the time.

Not fair? Too fucking bad. I am not a traditional business. I am a blogger. I am a blogger with an opinion who knows her mouth and her ‘reach’ and her voice is valuable.

YOU taught me that.

Sucker.

So send me your press releases and send me your products and stick to the old way or stick to the new way.

I don’t really fucking care.

If you suck, I’m not talking about you.

THE END.

*if you continue to need reference on how to do it right, see ‘The Business of Mommyblogging’ or go back to school, because obviously this is all way too complicated for you. Maybe you should think about selling cars instead. Perhaps a nice career in dentistry. Or you really might like working as my bitch. I have an opening if you want to apply.

Needling

I don’t know too many kids who like getting shots. I don’t know too many adults who like getting shots. So when the time comes to pack up the van and take the kids to their 3 and 5-year old check-up, I am filled with anxiety and they are blissfully ignorant as to what is about to happen.

Sneak attack.

Sometimes it just has to be done.

For the greater good, it was better for everyone the children did not know, until moments before getting stuck, that needles were coming.

I rarely use the sneak attack move. In extreme cases ONLY would I ever advocate the sneak attack move.

However sometimes it MUST be done.

Senator Barack Obama needs to bust out a sneak attack move.

The unexpected, from left field, swift, shocking, borderline-evil sneak attack.

It’s for the greater good.

If Obama does not employ this parental and strategic hit, I can guarantee Senator Clinton will continue to act just like my children would have, had they known those immunizations were coming. They would have begged, stalled, attempted to change my mind, stalled some more, lied to get out of it, stalled again, and then odds are I’d have to carry one or both of them to the car in tears as I tried to tell them everything would be ok.

In the end they KNOW they are getting those shots. They realize it is GOING TO HAPPEN, yet they would do their best to wiggle and manipulate to stop the inevitable.

The sneak attack makes it easier on everyone. It saves myself the pain of going through the horrific process of getting to the doctor and it saves them the anxiety and desperation.

Senator Barack Obama the time is NOW for your sneak attack.

I know you have one.

Save us ALL the pain of going through this another day.

Senator Clinton is facing the inevitable and handling it like a spoiled child. You can feel free to let her know she will not be the nominee, but don’t expect this to be over until Summer. With more stalling, and lies, and desperation.

Or you sneak attack.

Cold cocked. Blindsided. Needle in arm before she knows what’s hit her.

There will be screams.

There will be tears.

Then we will all get on with our lives.

Elitist My Ass

It has been awhile since I’ve been back to my hometown near Detroit, Michigan. I took the kids there in early 2007; the cold and unemployment were a stark reminder of why I left.

The abandoned buildings. For Sale signs. The way the road goes from smooth to bumpy when you cross the state line. Boarded up windows, failed ‘revitalization’ efforts. Friends laid off. Friends looking for work. Friends moving to get work. Family leaving, family staying, family commuting to other states for part-time jobs and part-time pay.

Make no mistake, I LOVE my hometown. I LOVE the Midwest. I think anyone and everyone should live and work and grow in these cities and towns-but understand when I tell you that Senator Barack Obama is DEAD ON when he talks about the bitterness of residents.

Are you hearing me?

This former Midwest girl is telling you Obama is not being ‘elite’ or ‘out of touch’ –he could NOT be MORE in touch. He’s LISTENING and understanding that many of us who moved away and many of us that stayed are angry, frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned, and UNEMPLOYED.

In what world do Obama’s remarks constitute ‘looking down on’? I’m sorry, Senator Clinton-but are you HIGH? I am watching you right now, speaking in Indiana on CNN, and you are ‘somewhat taken aback’ by what Senator Obama said. Are you unaware that when life is as bad as it can possibly be, people turn to religion? Are you unaware that frustrated individuals tend to take up arms when they feel their very well being threatened by their surroundings?

Senator Clinton, let me be as clear as I possibly can here:

Barack Obama is giving voice to millions of us by speaking the TRUTH. He’s simply vocalizing exactly what I hear from my Uncle, from my High School friend, from my former teacher, from my now re-located parents. He is speaking about what he’s heard, what he’s been told, what he has seen.

Senator Obama’s remarks reminds me yet again that he is one of us. He GETS IT. He knows that I LEFT Detroit. I AM BITTER. I AM PISSED OFF. THERE ARE NO JOBS IN MY HOMETOWN. I couldn’t move my family back there if I WANTED TO.

When I do take trips back home it is depressing. My husband NEVER wants to visit because he can’t stand how dejected everyone is and how run down the whole place seems. Are there some amazing neighborhoods and jobs-of course. Is it horrible everywhere-of course not. Is it worse there than in many other places in the US-damn right.

Do you think I like living 3-thousand miles away from my family and friends? Do you think it’s fun for me to watch everyone I know get laid off, go into bankruptcy, lose their house, work two low paying jobs, move into their parents home? Do you think I am NOT bitter about any of this?

Spin it. Go ahead. Talk about how those remarks make him seem elite and condescending. It is so absurd that it only confirms for me that you and Senator McCain are COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH with what REAL Americans think and do and want.

I would suggest, however, that you take your rhetoric elsewhere. Because the more you yap about Obama being ‘elite’ -while he’s talking about how we really feel and you’re releasing 109 Million dollar tax returns- the more stupid you look.

I Curse Jason Calacanis With 10 Daughters

My husband nearly fainted when we found out our second child was going to be a girl.

Dead silence on the other end of the phone.

Weeks earlier my OBGYN thought he saw a penis and the look of relief on my husband’s face told the true story. Everything is going to be ok, it’s a boy.

Then a checkup a few weeks later showed vulva, no penis, and terror struck. TERROR.

His fears included, but were not limited too: will she get knocked up at 16? Will I have to kill all the boys that like her? Will she be ugly, pretty, smart, stupid? To this day he’s hoping our striking daughter needs glasses, braces, and is covered in hair.

He thinks if she’s hairy, the boys won’t bother her. He would also prefer she be gay.

Why? Easy, he’ll tell you that he is a man. He knows men. He knows how he was at 13, 16, 19, 25, 35 and he wants his daughter to have nothing to do with any of it. Period. End of story.

What my husband fails to realize is he married ME. With any luck my strong, vagina-having, self will make sure my daughter is prepared for the boys, the body-issues, the confusion between what matters more: her mind or her looks.

Which leads me to yesterday, and the can of penis worms opened by one Mr. Jason Calacanis, and his search for a replacement for Veronica Belmont, host of Mahalo Daily.

I logged into Twitter to see several people had mentioned my name to Jason as a possible replacement. Hmmm, I thought. Must investigate more. I’m not exactly a Calacanis fan after his ‘make me the #1 twitter-er’ bribe, but had been willing to listen to all those who said he’s actually a decent guy.

So I checked it out-Veronica looks like she’s done some fun stuff with the videos, totally not techy (that I can tell) but entertaining. A few minutes into my snooping and Gary Vaynerchuk twittered that Jason was live on Ustream taking suggestions for a new host. I clicked on over. I’m not really sure I can accurately describe what I found, so let me just copy and paste my twitter stream:

QueenofSpain They are going over these girls based on looks-seriously. I don’t want ANYTHING to do with that crap. It would be an Erin SMACKDOWN

QueenofSpain and I love how they all just ASSUME any of these women are just DYING to get a call to work for @jasoncalacanis

QueenofSpain Am I wrong? Am I the only one who is watching this? Sad. Sad. Sad. And RIGHT THERE is the problem with women in tech. RIGHT THERE

QueenofSpain because the guys filling in, or the guy and @calacanis is such a HOTTIE? I mean, they must be, if they are on MAHALO VIDEO

QueenofSpain I love how that’s a requirement for the girls. @lons did you submit photos too?

QueenofSpain Ugh. I feel sick after watching that for too long. Olive branch totally taken back. I don’t give a crap what he’s done.

QueenofSpain @themacmommy hell no. Not a chance in HELL. I’ll stick with organizations that actually show a bit of respect.

QueenofSpain @GeekMommy don’t be. was a great education. seriously. I mean that. all that buzz about women in tech in the fashion section? yeah. i get it

Basically I tuned in to see Jason Calacanis and his ‘JasonNation’ look at photos, declare there shall be ‘no schlubs’ and discuss the hotness level of each candidate. Jason did stipulate the candidate must have brains (how nice) but needed to be easy on the eyes.

Let’s just review who I’m watching currently in and around the web, shall we?

Lon Harris is the current co-host of Mahalo Daily.

Robert Scoble

Jeff Pulver

Jason Calacanis

Shel Israel

Loren Feldman

Steve Garfield

Gary Vaynerchuk

Those are just off the top of my head, there are many more. Now let’s go ahead and guess how many of that group would have gotten to where they are if being ‘easy on the eyes’ were a requirement? Not all Brad Pitt up there on that list. Turns out, and it’s funny really-it is their CONTENT that matters.

I’m not sure if Jason Calacanis or anyone in that chat room (with the exception of Gary who is respectful and has proven himself as such) gets what they are doing when they make looks a requirement, when it’s clearly NOT a requirement for the men.

The only way I can possibly think of to make the CEO and ringleader understand is to curse him with 10 daughters.

5 super model daughters and 5 less than perfect daughters. I’d like him to see first hand the opportunities they are afforded, the heartbreak, and the double standards they face. I’d like him to feel the pain of his daughter as her brilliance in tech and web are overlooked for a less-intelligent woman with a better rack. I’d like him to watch as his beautiful daughter is paraded on a video blog to be masturbated to by 40year-olds in their mother’s basement. I’d like him to sit all 10 of them down on the Calacanis family couch and explain Daddy’s requirements for the next Mahalo Daily host.

Whomever you hire, Mr. Calacanis, I hope she’s qualified, brilliant, and kicks your ass.