Stubborn Women

There are times in my day I see my daughter just as she is- a strong, independent, unique girl. There are other times I catch a glimpse of my husband, of myself.

But my glimpses pale in comparison to the person, truly unique person, that she is becoming. I know that she gets some of her strength from me…but I don’t remember having as much as she has.

Maybe it’s a childhood sense of entitlement that allows her to sit on a rock in a playground and declare it’s “closed” to all other kids.

Hala's boulder in boulder>
Maybe it’s her lack of fear, because she knows Mom and Dad are there, that pushes her to wrap a ribbon around the staircase and attempt to propel down a few feet.

And maybe, it’s the glimpse I catch of my husband in her that gives her the courage to go toe-to-toe with her Mom over a cookie at 8pm. Yes, I invoke my husband on purpose…because I’ve never felt as stubborn as she seems to be. I also haven’t been on the receiving end of my own head-strong ways, so maybe we are one in the same.

God that scares me.

Of course I want her to be strong. But the thought of her being strong against me is frightening.

My son is so very different. He’s happy to please me and do what Mom says. Even when angry he will be the dutiful son and clean up as he’s told.

But my daughter. Oh…my daughter. It’s a battle of the wills and she will change the game just to make it appear as though she’s won. Can’t have that cookie? She really didn’t want it anyway, actually she really did want those grapes…she was only tricking me.

One of the most frequent pieces of advice I get with my daughter is to “break her will.” Tempting. Very tempting on so many levels. But also the very last thing I want to do. She NEEDS to be this way in order to compete in the world. She NEEDS to be stronger, smarter, even more stubborn than I ever was.

While I do not enjoy butting heads with her, while I take no pleasure in what is to come in 5, 10, 15 years…I want her to remain just as stubborn as she can be.

She will never grow weary of battles with her mother, I expect they will only increase in time. I already am weary, but as the Mom I’ll never give in. Or give up.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I need to go for the jugular and force “submission” and allow her to fear me.

But I know, in my heart, I’m not crazy. You see, there’s something more than stubborn streaks and independence. There is also a heart of gold and a compassionate nature. There is a smile that melts the opponent and a sweetness and intellegence that makes her wise beyond her years.

No…I want her to remain exactly as she is. Strong, stubborn, and wonderful. I want her to close all the rocks in all the playgrounds and demand every cookie in the world. She’s not a mean girl, she’s a strong girl.

And there is a difference.

Too Wired?

Oh no, I don't have gamer kids at all /eyeroll

My children can easily open a web browser and play games. They can turn on the Wii, the DS, and will ask me to find them the ‘blahblahfill-in-the-blank.com’ they heard about on tv.

They are 3 and 5- years old.

Mom and Dad both use their computers for work and play. So laptops are always open and it’s just a way of life for the adults, so it stands to reason it’s a way of life for the children in the house.

Is this the new standard for families or are we entirely too plugged in?

Don’t get me wrong, there is a very healthy amount of NON-wired play around here. Legos, dolls, imagination run rampant.

So why do I feel guilty when they do plug in?

Is that a throwback to some bygone era where this wasn’t commonplace? Leftover guilt akin to my mother telling me I was sitting too close to the television?

If they are monitored, if their time is monitored, if it’s all well and good…why am I even questioning their wired lives when everything comes with a .com?

Perhaps it’s just like everything else in motherhood: am I doing this right? That nagging, never ending feeling in the back of your brain that you can be better, try harder.

Or maybe we just need to go for a walk.

That Damn Cat is Evil

Prime example of BAD TECH:

There is a FurReal Friends white cat sitting outside in the car right now.

It’s not allowed in.

It’s not only creeping me out, but it won’t stop meowing and purring.

On Christmas morning my darling daughter will have a fake kitty to play with, that mimics a real life kitty…without the litter box, and I couldn’t be more creeped out by it.

Sure we’ve had the RoboPanda and the TriBot…but…this kitty…it’s just…I don’t know…TOO life like?

I waved my hand in front of it’s face, while it was still in the box, and it blinked and acknowledged me.

I can’t get Chucky out of my head.

kitty

Santa Claus: Monster or Mercenary?

My kids are scared shitless of Santa.

Ok, maybe scared isn’t the right word. They can’t look at him, or talk to him, or go anywhere near him. But it’s not clear if they are scared or OVERWHELMED BY HIS GLORY.

This means, aside from one photo when my son was 9-months old and I hadn’t thought through the chaos, my children have no pictures with Santa.

So when I see articles over at BlogHer like Laurie’s…I have to laugh and shake my head at other parents who are fine with torturing their children year after year after year. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a pretty stupid Mother (or ‘Mudder’ as my daughter has taken to calling me) on some things here and there, but I just can’t imagine forcing my crying and scared to death kid into the lap of some large, red stranger.

Do you really need that photo THAT badly? I don’t. And as much as I wanted my kids to pose with characters at Disney, I certainly wasn’t going to shove them forward if they didn’t want to.

No, instead I shove my husband, because he’ll shake his ass with Stitch on behalf of his children anyday.

My husband shaking his butt with Stitch

Formality

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That’s my 3-year old curtsying. Or if you prefer, kirtsying.

She’s informed me she’s now going to only wear dresses and only ‘act like a princess.’ Because this family is going to Disneyland on Saturday.

I wonder if I can still curtsy.

$20 says I fall on my ass.

Bottoms Up

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It’s happened.

My kids finally figured out their parts were different and they now giggle about it.

My son doesn’t want anyone looking at him when he pees. My daughter thinks it’s hilarious to bust in on her brother and yell “I see your PENIS!”

…and both my kids ADORE being in their underwear, sticking out their butts, and shaking it all while singing “Shake my bottom, YEAH!”

Last night I gave them separate baths. Soon, it will have to be separate bedrooms.

and I would now like to mourn and cry.

Join me, won’t you?

Leftovers

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I realize we’ve already given Thanks and the time has come and gone for me to rattle off all the people and things I love in my life. So rather than cross that fine line between GREAT, comforting, yummy Holiday leftovers and lead-in-pit-of-stomach, one-day-too-late-to-eat leftovers, my Holiday leftovers consist of change.

(oh god, that change word again…is she going to talk politics? please no please no)

A seismic shift has occurred in our house, and it needs to be recognized.

Despite years of loathing, jealousy, and full-on contempt, my son now adores and protects his little sister.

Yes, it’s a holiday miracle. Yes, I am thrilled he comes to her defense. Yes, I realize this is normal sibling stuff.

However (and this is a big however) it’s getting annoying.

I find myself walking a very fine-line between “it’s so wonderful to see you sticking up for your sister” and “don’t you DARE challenge ME the MOM while I rightfully punish your sister.”

Yes, he is protecting her so very much he’s actually attempting to justify his baby sister’s indiscretions to the parental units.

Mom she’s just having a bad day, she didn’t really mean to throw that lego

Mom don’t yell at her, she will say she’s sorry for hitting you with her pony

Mom I told her it was ok so please don’t be mad at her

It also seems, just like the other males in this house, my little guy has some sort of dagger-through-heart reaction whenever my darling daughter cries.

Which means he attempts to avoid it at all costs. He will give her that toy she’s wanting. He will go get her a juice. He will even give up the toy he’s playing with in order to keep the peace.

It’s gotten so bad my 3-year old now totally plays her brother by fake crying, just to get her way.

Now, I look at this from a few different angles. One is that I’m thrilled my son no longer views her as the enemy. Two is that he is so very compassionate. Three is a bit more concerning to me…she’s totally using her feminine ways to exploit every male in this house from her brother to her uncle to her Dad.

Say it with me…OY VEY.

I realize this will probably serve her well later in life, but I’m torn between cutting it off now or helping her hone and better control her female gifts. I mean…do I put my foot down…or have her use this power to get us both a puppy? Do I make her stop using and abusing men or teach her that if she tilts her head just a bit and drops her lip just one more notch she could probably ALSO get a pony?

Change. Yes, it’s here.

Keep On Keepin’ On

Today my darling daughter happily cut and colored and painted.

I was watching Sarah Palin/Katie Couric clips…and our Princess Peanut was making caterpillars and puppies and scribbley circles.

Somewhere in between Palin’s many ignorant comments (oh, please-by now if you can’t see her ineptitude, I can’t help you) and me saying ‘yes honey that birdie you drew is great’ my daughter had started clipping her hair.

Self hair cut

Yeah sure, this might be my way of blaming this entire episode of less-than-stellar parenting on Sarah Palin. Why not?

Anyway let me get to my point.

Our home was in a crisis. The 3-year old was in trouble, crying in her time-out chair while I dialed kid salons. But dinner still needed to be made. I couldn’t stop doing the load of laundry already underway. I had emails to answer, a 5-year old wanting spongebob and the UPS guy was ringing my door bell.

Life had to go on.

Keep in mind my daughter and I are now pretty pissed off at each other. She’s ticked that she’s in trouble and now getting a REAL haircut. I’m ticked she cut her own hair and now won’t cooperate while I try and get it fixed.

But life had to go on.

In the end, her hair was fixed and it was painful. I had to hold her while my wonderful hairdresser and friend worked her magic in my kitchen. It was a bitter pill to swallow for our tiny girl who found a haircut to be equal to torture.

But life had to go on.

The United States economy needs to go on. It really does.

If we’re lucky it will turn out as cute as my daughter’s hair.

Fixed