Cindy McCain is No Baby Mama

Or Laura Bush. Or Barbara Bush. Or Hillary Clinton. Or myself.

Why?

We’re white.

As discussion swirls around ‘fist-bumps’ and so-called ‘news stations’ labeling the next potential First Lady as ‘Obama’s Baby Mama’ let us all be very clear: racism is not ok just because it’s on Fox.

It is not ok because it’s in West Virginia or Kentucky. It’s not ok because it’s part of the culture or the heritage or the geography.It is certainly not ok as the caption on a major cable news network, regardless of their ‘right’ leanings.I may be as white and suburban as Cindy…strike that…maybe McCain’s first wife is a better example, either way I KNOW ‘baby mama’ is certainly not meant as a term of endearment.I’m sure Mr. ProducerMan at Fox News thought maybe tagging it under ‘Outraged Liberals: Stop Picking on Obama’s Baby Mama!’ would blame this on Democrats or maybe just ‘progressives.’

Nice try asshat.

What part of ‘we are not stupid’ do you fail to get?

Let’s also be clear, the ‘blogger’ you see in the clip, Michelle Malkin, would be branded a ‘baby mama’ far quicker than I ever would. I wonder how she feels about this racism and sexism going on as she sits and spins for the GOP that uses her skin color to gain credibility with minorities? (yes, GOP, we see what you are doing)

Oh wait, apparently she thinks it’s ok because Michelle Obama has been treated with kid gloves and allegedly used the term ‘baby daddy.’

She’s kidding, right?

Sadly, she is not kidding.

Here is what that half of America is missing:

This has nothing to do with feeling the next first lady is ‘off limits.’

I expect everyone within an inch of Senator Obama be scrutinized.

I also fully expect Michelle Obama can take care of herself, and do not for one second worry the media is too hard on her or the right-wing bloggers too nasty. I get the distinct feeling Michelle Obama would and will handle herself as I would expect any strong, American woman.

Any strong, American woman who’s not a Republican, anyway.

What I will not do, however, is sit by and watch sexism and racism on national news. THIS woman might moan and groan over feminism and Clinton, over which supporters are voting McCain and which are too angry to kiss and make up with the Democratic party, but just as we called-out sexism with the Senator from New York, we are calling it out with the rhetoric surrounding Michelle Obama.

Let’s ask that producer if he would put the caption ‘Bush’s Baby Mama’ under First Lady Laura Bush. Of course not, because Laura Bush is white.

Maybe Fox News would consider ‘Trailer Trash Mama‘ under their next First Lady caption?

Or would THAT be offensive? Playing into stereotypes?

Of course it would.

How about a ‘McCain’s Stepford Wife’ under the next Cindy McCain story?

Of course not, Fox would never dream of anything so crass and offensive while labeling the woman who could be the next First Lady.

Yet Fox is fine with ‘Baby Mama’ as the words describing Michelle Obama.

Why?

It’s called racism, sexism, and it is as clear as Rupert Murdoch’s bias.

Yes, Stefania at MOMocrats has it right:

“Just who do you think your audience is, Fox News? A bunch of 11-year-olds? Didn’t you forget to call her Obama’s ‘boo’ as well as his ‘shorty?’ /eyeroll It would be so easy to get outraged by this, but instead these tactics make me howl with laughter, because it shows that the right is scared out of their minds. Yesterday’s ‘terrorist fist jab’ is today’s Obama baby mama. Tomorrow will bring something worse, but it ain’t gonna make their cause look any better. The Republicans are are going to get handled come November. This I know…

In the immortal words of Kimora Lee Simmons, MOMocrats co-founder Stefania Pomponi Butler ‘will beat a bitch’s ass’ for messing with our country’s next First Lady.”

Updated: Liza at Culture Kitchen gives us a background reminder on Malkin.

Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain blog, BlogHer.com, and MOMocrats.com. She thinks Fox News can suck it.

I Am Voting Republican

via my friend Baratunde

The Post I Don’t Want to Write

My first born.

My baby boy.

My little guy.

I’ve been avoiding discussing the big ‘K’ for as long as possible-but there is no more avoiding it…

Count Waffles the Terrible starts Kindergarten in August and I’m a disaster.

He’s excited as hell.

I’m a gawddamn disaster.

I should have been tipped off by the amount of paperwork involved in just enrolling him for public school. I now refer to it as the ‘kindergarten packet of DOOM’ because really-it was insane.

Then came the orientations and the ‘is your child ready?’ discussions. The assessment of his skills by a teacher. The walk-through of the class. Then the ‘buddy’ day where our little guy was partnered with a current kindergartner and went through ‘class’ for an hour.

This is where I got to sit in the back and see what was ahead. Excitement, frustration, the hierarchy of peers-it was enough to make me puke in my mouth a little.

Not to mention the totally primped and dolled up ‘Muffia’ mothers in the class, sitting next to me as I watched and they chatted so loud they nearly drowned out the teacher.

‘No, Trust me Kathy you want Mrs. J. She’s the only teacher worth having.’
‘But I heard her husband has been seeing his secretary.’
‘And don’t forget if you sign him up for the karate class AND the gym class next door they will transfer the kids and you can stay for the manicure AND pedicure.’

Yup, I get to make ‘friends’ with those bitches so I can make sure my kids are not shunned via PTA ‘your mom didn’t do xyz’ stigma.

My son took it all in stride while I totally panicked. I’m worried I am going to forget to put his name on something. That I haven’t forced him to write his name enough. That I’ll pack him the wrong kind of lunch.

Ugh.

Just as I had gotten us home from ‘buddy’ day and attempted to decompress, I heard screams from downstairs.

Blood. Confusion.

A baby tooth in a tiny 5-year old hand.

jack

The tooth fairy paid her first visit as I sent in yet MORE forms to the new school.

Time marches on.

If I could get out of this parental ‘where did the time go’ fog, I might get myself together in time to sign up for more PTA stuff. Bake sale? Maybe a fund raiser? hmmm… do they have a ‘totally freaked out new parent who has no clue how to navigate all this who wants to make sure she does the right thing’ position? Yeah, I’ll take that one.

Let’s DO This Thing

Truth time.

You are not over it.

I am not over it.

There are threats to vote McCain.

There are snarks about older white women.

There are accusations of it being my (and other women who voted Obama) fault Clinton didn’t break that ‘ultimate glass ceiling.’

There are sore winners, sore losers, and even discussion of what our daughters will take away from this, other than our inability to STOP fighting.

So I say, time to get it out all out there. Time to lay it all on the table and say every nasty thing, or upsetting thing, or even offensive thing you need to say. Time to fight it out with that Obama supporter. Time to fight it out with that Clinton backer.

Time to do what we need to do in order to move on.

It’s time to stop pitting women against women.

After we have our virtual pillow fight, I’m not talking about it anymore.

Unless of course, Clinton fucks up again (see, see why I need to do this? I have issues! ISSUES!)

7pm Pacific. We’ll start off on Stickam so as many people as possible get a chance to yell and scream and cry.

and then with any luck…by the wee hours of the morning, we’ll be back to feeling ya-ya.

What happens here tonight, stays here tonight.And if you are lucky you’ll win some skin care products to take away the bags under your eyes tomorrow morning from all the crying.

So we’re having it out in this virtual Red Tent to emerge stronger. And also to learn why each side is so entrenched so we can understand and come together.

Celebrate Good Times, COME ON!

Years ago, my grandfather used to take about two dozen of us grand-kids to Boblo Island.

When you arrive, via party boat with dance floor and DJ, the awkward guy in a bear costume would dance haphazardly to Kool & the Gang’s Celebration.

As entirely cheesy and insane as that scene may sound-it’s happy memories for me.

This past week has been insane happy memories.

My daughter fronted her first band (she’s the tiny one with her back turned to you, singing)

Senator Barack Obama claimed the democratic nomination.

Senator Hillary Clinton announced plans to suspend her campaign.

The Detroit Red Wings won the Stanley Cup.

…and despite coming home from a family trip to Kansas with one kid blowing her nose and the other covered in a rash due to the hotel water park, I am in a good mood.

It’s time to come together…..

Dear Senator Hillary Clinton, Please Step Down (the re-post)

 It seemed only appropriate that on the day where Senator Obama may get all the delegates he needs to end this primary race, I reiterate my call to Senator Clinton.

A  lot has changed since I wrote this post on February 12, 2008. I no longer have the respect for the Senator I once did. I no longer trust her campaign or her motives. My first inkling was way back when she swore she wasn’t running for office, or for the senate, or for president. And those Clinton haters wouldn’t buy it for a second. Here we are in 2008 and she’s a Senator from New York and a presidential hopeful.

Fool me once.

I’ve seen sexism played out against her, and I’ve seen her use it to her advantage. The Clinton campaign has denied gender is an issue and played the victim of misogyny on the same day, out-loud, in the media.

I have even watched her use the GOP fear-tactics we all have rallied against in the current administration.

Yet time and time again I’ve wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Time and time again, with my anger boiling over, I’ve conceded that she’s tough and brilliant.

She is not the candidate I thought I knew when this race began, and if Senator Clinton cares at all about winning back my respect or at the very least making sure there is a Democrat in the White House-she will finally, and with  all the humility she can muster, step down.

I do not believe she has the ‘popular vote’ because she is not counting caucus voters.

I do not believe she can sway any remaining superdelegates without having them turn on the voters they represent.

I do not believe she deserves the full seating of MI and FL at the convention. I am not arguing what the states deserve. I am arguing what her campaign deserves. And we all know Clinton flip-flopped on those states when it was clear she needed them to win. Normally one would call that ‘dirty campaign tricks’ and by far something done far and wide by politicians.  I’m over the far and wide way politicians do things and how we, far and wide, just accept it as normal.

This post was written months ago with emotion and conflict. It was written in the heat of the moment, while speeches played on the tv in front of me.

Instead of yelling. Instead of getting really angry again. Instead of using hate, I am simply going to re-post.

You can find the original post and it’s comments here.

This is a very hard letter for me to write, so please bear with me.

I’d like to ask you, with all due respect and humility, to step down as a Democratic Candidate for President of the United States.

Please understand this is not because I believe you can not or should not lead this nation. Please understand that I find you qualified, capable, and worthy. Please also understand I want nothing more than to see a female as the leader of the free world. I would be pleased and honored if you were that female.

However I am finding, right or wrong, many citizens of this country seem to react to you on an emotional level. Emotional, not practical. They can’t seem to see your record. They can’t seem to see your policy. They just hear or read “Hillary” and venom or praise spews.

I thought that with your candidacy, would come reason. I thought that you would be able to get a fair shake by main stream media, by voters, by sexists, and by soccer moms. I thought over time people would begin to see that you really are an effective politician.

I was wrong.

Tonight, I’m typing as I watch you speak in El Paso, Texas. I’m sad. There really is no other way to put it-I’m sad.

I truly believed you would be the best person for the job, and I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that is now at the forefront. The thought that drove me on Super Tuesday to Vote for Senator Obama and the thought that is the driving force as I write tonight: Senator Hillary Clinton divides this country.

It’s not fair. It’s not right. And under just about ANY other circumstance I would go to the mat for you. However we are a wounded and deeply divided nation. We are a nation at war. We are a nation at odds with each-other. It’s ugly. I thought you could get people past it. I really did.

When I told myself it was gender that got people going, I refrained from asking and wanting you to step aside. Simply on principle, I wanted to see you run and win because they said it couldn’t be done. Because it was my belief, this was all about being a girl.

It’s not, and I was wrong.

I firmly believe while the gender issue has given you a handicap I hope we all one day overcome, it is NOT the reason people have a gut reaction to you or your campaign or your legacy.

Enter the Senator from Illinois, and what I think could be your true legacy. If you were to step aside now, shockingly early and shockingly un-Hilllary-like, you could galvanize an entire nation behind your party. If you were to throw your weight, and your tremendous political clout behind Senator Obama you could still change the world and make your mark in a way no one would expect and everyone would admire.

I don’t want to see you throw in the towel because the fight is too hard or the mountain too tall. I am asking you to throw it in because history is on the line. It is not the history either of us expected, however it is an equally important, momentous, earthshaking change in this country we sorely need.

Do something no one would ever expect. Do something extraordinary. Do something that changes politics as usual and changes history.

I could have never predicted having to chose between what my husband called “the lesser of two goods, not the lesser of two evils” when it came time to cast my vote.

It was agonizing.

But in the end, with no major policy difference and valid reasons on BOTH sides, I had to go with the candidate who I thought could best bring our nation back together. Who could cross party lines and gender lines and racial lines.

I wanted it to be you, but it’s not. For some reason you still get people very riled up, and not in the good way.

There is no way around it-it sucks. But after 7 years of nothing but fighting and head shaking and feeling like we’re living in two Americas, I can’t do it again. Not even if my team is in office.

I really hate asking you to do this, but I want you to please step down and let this nation heal.

We’ve been too angry for too long and your history and your name brings a suitcase of anger to the White House front door.

With the full weight of the Clinton name, behind the scenes, your true legacy could be written. With the full weight of the Clinton know-how you could help orchestrate the next chapter in American history where an African-American leads our nation.

It is this time in history your nation needs you.

As nation’s go, ours has never been one to do things the way we predict. Who could have seen when we finally get our first, legitimate, female front runner we’d see our first, legitimate front runner of color?

Our nation and it’s people need you to do what is best for this country. We need you to be true to what you say on the stump and bring us back together.

If you firmly believe that there is still time for you to change the hearts and minds of those rude and stubborn Americans who are voting with their gut when they see “Hillary” on the ballot-then please, prove me wrong. I’ll be at the Democratic National Convention come August and I’ll hold up my Hillary sign loud and proud and fall in line.

But I think you’ve tried. You tried with everything you had to overcome that Clinton-emotional reaction. Here we are, moving into Texas and Ohio and Pennsylvania-and it’s not you winning over hearts and minds, it’s the Senator from Illinois.

Let’s end the division in this country now. Right now. Let’s start with the Democratic Party early and provide a united front against the GOP months ahead of schedule.

Let’s take back this country for the people, with you playing a much different role than you envisioned.

Make history. Make us one. Step down now.

Sincerely,

Erin Kotecki Vest

voter, mother, woman, feminist, writer, dreamer, and Hillary fan

Cousins

I sat on a back deck today, while my kids ran around outside and inside and downstairs and in the basement with their cousins and extended cousins.

There was a ‘show’ put on for the adults. There were kid power struggles. There were naps and tears and spills.

There were all the things I had growing up with cousins across the street and down the road.

I watched my two preschoolers interact in the hierarchy of family. The eldest cousin trying to boss the younger cousins, the smallest playing as the ‘baby’ in the ‘pretend family’ they acted out. I watched the boys segregate from the girls and the inclusion and exclusion of all of them at any given time.

I watched my daughter be bossed and then stand up for herself. I watched my son play and laugh with everyone not caring of the politics. I watched as the parents of these cousins sat and drank and laughed and lazily checked in on the kids every so often to make sure no one was lighting anything on fire.

A houseful of adults and these children were, within reason, left to play free of hovering mothers and fathers.

Then, somewhere in between seeing my daughter lead the all-kid band with a ‘LADIES AND GENTLEMAN I WILL NOW SING ABCs’, her rag-tag, caped, fireman hatted, backward princess dress wearing rockers behind her, and my son declaring he wanted to live by his cousins forever, I become profoundly sad.

Sad in a way I have not felt for a very long time.

This does not happen at home.

There are no frequent get-togethers with family and children.

This does not happen in California.

There are no cousins close. There are no family members with kids nearby.

This has not happened in their lives, until now.

To me, you grow up playing with your cousins. Second cousins. Family that is scattered in ages but usually just young enough or just old enough to play ‘with’ you.  That is just how you grow up.

It’s not just the ‘playdates’ or ‘park meetups’ or occasional ‘neighbor kid’ that comes to play.

These are constant, chaotic, companions that grow up with you. You always see them at birthdays. You always see them at Christmas. You always see them every other Sunday.

You always see them. Period.

This is going to sound very stupid, but I think the entire ‘midwest’ ‘kids playing in the basement while the adults had a few beers on the back porch’ thing…that really got me.

My kids do not have that. This is the first time in their lives they have experienced cousins.

Broke my heart.

Especially when my son and his second cousin are identical in age and looks and even ears. After a night out parents came home to find the boys in opposite rooms with mom and dad nearly taking home the wrong 5-year old.

Especially when my daughter, upon meeting her cousin from Germany, said ‘Mama she looks like ME!’ And then watching her find the courage to tell her eldest cousin she did NOT want her hair long but short so she could ‘look like Hala, ’cause I AM HALA.’

Especially when I realized despite being anxious to check in on the election and get to a tv in time for a hockey game, it was amazingly nice to let the kids run wild in a basement while I sat and chatted on the back deck.

I miss that.

Even if I now sit on the deck instead of roller skate around the pole downstairs.

I miss that.

A lot.

My Life is a Circus

Which is why it’s totally appropriate my home will be tented this weekend.

Termites.

Flying ones.

The kids think it’s cool. I’ve been freaked out since …oh…Christmas time when they were discovered.

Buggies munchin’ on my home sweet home. Not cool.

So we saved and planned and the tent over our home will coincide with the trip we get to take to Kansas City to see family.

Which, as tiny cousins get together for the first time when they might REMEMBER each-other, means an entirely different kind of circus.

While I get excited to leave town, take a trip, etc…I really loathe getting READY to go. Add in getting the house ready for fumigation and um…yeah, kill me now.

More soon.

Cue the clowns.