Stepford Crazies

The Down Fall of Main Stream Media=a few MOMS

February 27, 2008 by Queen of Spain 21 Comments

I’m not sure if you’ve been paying attention lately, but traditional media seems to be a few steps behind social media.

They can’t break news as fast as Twitter. They can’t seem to get hot topics discussed as fast as blogs. And they can’t seem to get a hold of the one demo kicking their asses in politics-

The Moms.

I’m capitalizing that now. The Moms.

Examples:

Momocrats.com

Go ahead and browse their archives. Liveblogging debates, comments from Elizabeth Edwards, and they are even making headlines of their own.

Need another example?

Queenofspainblog.com hits digg two weeks ago asking Senator Hillary Clinton to step down.

Today is Wednesday February 27th and we’ve got media outlets all over the US, large pundits on networks echoing my call for unity in the party before this gets ugly(er).

Seriously, I’m TWO WEEKS ahead of you. Two weeks. TWWWWOOOO WEEEEEKKKKSSS. (you can just imagine me saying that like the paper delivery boy in Better Off Dead)

Want more?

Twitter debate and election result nights. I can count about 50 moms just off the top of my head glued to MSNBC or CNN or Fox and discussing it in real time on twitter. So why is that a big deal? Because they can school you on policy. They can school you on strategy. I’d also pit them against any of your high paid analysts any day of the week. Chris Matthews would run crying.

So if you’d like to stay ahead of the curve, oh Main Stream Dinosaur, feel free to give us a call.

Keep in mind we haven’t put down the bon-bons and turned off the Soaps just to put you out of business, we actually care. We even use cool new tech widgets to do it-

It should be noted I wrote this post while watching my kids play in the tub. They even got my notebook wet. Where did you report from today?

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa, Stepford Crazies

Swift Boat-Playground Style

February 25, 2008 by Queen of Spain 7 Comments

Stranded again in an airport in these lovely United States I’m checking in on my kids, reading email, and catching up on the day’s headlines.

As a woman I’ve always had a pretty low threshold for bullshit. As a mother, I now have zero.

I have no time to squabble about crap. If the kids are fighting over a toy, I don’t conduct an investigation, I just take the toy away from them both. Bullshit level= zero.

So when I get an email this morning from BlogHer politics and news CE Morra Aarons giving a link to the Drudge article showing Senator Barack Obama wearing traditional Somali clothing while on a visit to Kenya, I shook my head.

Bullshit meter is beeping.

But it gets worse. What I thought would be shaken off as a non-story is turning into that Monday Media nonsense that is catching the breath of anchors and writers across the nation. I’m sitting in this airport next to 100 other people and Wolf Blitzer is bringing it up on the CNN tv’s at every gate.

The Clinton Camp is claiming it wasn’t their idea or plant and the Obama Camp is lashing back saying this is “the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve seen from either party in this election.”

Meanwhile Captain SwiftBoat is planning his big Obama party.

Except you see, we Moms…we have a very low tolerance for bullshit-I did mention that, right?

You see, I have kids. Now while that does not qualify me as a political expert, it does qualify me as a bullshit expert. I guess you can make your own jokes there, but let’s move forward.

My son and his friend tend to bicker a lot. Much like Hillary and Barack. It’s usually over nothing, but things can get pretty heated. My daughter, much like the GOP, just loves to insight these little tiffs. Then the two older kids both get in trouble and Mommy praises daughter for being so good and so unlike those two bad children in their time-out chairs.

That worked once.

I’m rather well versed in playground bullshit and I can easily detect her ruse and sit the 3-year old in the time-out chair before moving forward with the bickering 5-year olds.

I don’t tolerate this behavior from my children, and I’m certainly not going to tolerate it from any of those involved in the political process.

I’m not stupid. My 3-year old is not going to trick me.

Captain Swift Boat isn’t going to trick me either.

Day One of your little campaign to throw things at Senator Obama and we already see right through you. You push out the photo (which, btw we’re all pretty much over that whole “scare us with Muslims” thing) and hook it with Michelle Obama’s “pride” comments and talk of patriotism starts.

Bwwhahahahahahahaha. Seriously, is that all you have?

My 3-year old at least bats her eyelashes a bit.

Neener. Neener. Neener.

Filed Under: BlogHer, Stepford Crazies, War in Iraq Sucks It

Almost There Babbling From The Airport

February 21, 2008 by Queen of Spain 10 Comments

If you are on the phone with the talented Maria of ConsumerPop, you may want to pay closer attention to your children.
I’m just sayin’

-because mine tied each other up.

With a jump rope.

And if that were not enough, my daughter has decide, as of late,Ã‚Â to give me a very Valley-looking “whatever Mom” face while dressing up and carrying a purse. I’m screwed, yes. I know. Thanks.

I’m in the Atlanta Airport. I have not slept. A very nice woman sitting next to me on the flight from LA to ATL started snoozing about 3 minutes after take off and then leaned herself on my entire right side.

The next three hours and 29 minutes were spent gently nudging her off.

And then coughing loudly to wake her up.

And then jiggling my shoulder a bit.

And then shifting my hips.

And then literally dropping my shoulder to make her fall.

And then doing it all over again, and again, and again for 3 hours and 29 minutes.

And I would curl up and sleep here in the A T L but um, there is this SPOTLIGHT over my head and every seat that has an electrical outlet near it seems to also have a SPOTLIGHT overhead.

My only saving grace is Anderson Cooper on the airport TV telling me all about John McCain’s alleged Monica.

I miss my kids already. Kaiser tells me the boy seems to have bruised/blood-blistered his lip. This happened less than 2 hours of my leaving them in his care. Just sayin’.

Oh, and the girl has been coughing. Out of nowhere. All night since I left.

The more tired I become, the more incoherent this blog post seems. Hmmm.

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

Their Coats

February 8, 2008 by Queen of Spain 20 Comments

It was when I hung my children’s coats up in the closet it really hit me.

Their tiny 2T and 4T coats.

I took the hanger, slipped it into and through sleeves of no more than a handful of inches and suddenly was overcome by the passing of time.

I don’t notice it often. Life is usually going too fast and I can’t be interrupted with these emotional thoughts and fancies. There is money to be made. Bills to be paid. Appointments to keep. New technology and emerging ideas to conquer.

We all do it. We all get caught up in that thing called life. Routine.

Then I hang up a few coats and it all stops.

Those tiny coats.

They are not as tiny as they used to be. We’ve gone from one-piece, snapped, leg-less sack coats to small jean jackets and windbreakers hastily thrown on the floor next to tiny backpacks and worksheets.

Pneumonia has slowed me down, and while I spend another day on the couch I wonder why I was going so fast. It’s exciting to be involved with things that don’t involve Playdoh or Elmo. Trying to get in front of all the amazing things happening in the world today from historic elections to emerging technology.

Then my daughter crawls up on my chest and lays her head in the curve of my neck and nuzzles. Her long and lean legs now dangle so far…too far. My son asks to be carried to bed and I clumsily attempt to wrap his almost 5-year old legs around my waist and we struggle up the stairs.

I come back down to tidy up backpacks, and school notes, worksheets, paintings, toys, and coats.

Those tiny coats.

Shutting the closet door I sigh. Shutting the closet door my heart hurts. I won’t carry them soon. They won’t cuddle much soon.

Those coats will soon fall off those hangers from their weight and size. The ideas and thoughts and personalities will take the bodies that fill those tiny coats from dependent to independent and I will have done my job.

I open the closet door again to just touch those coats. Those tiny 2t and 4t coats.

I miss them already and ache.

I make point to lock, into my increasingly forgetful mind, the mental image of those tiny coats, one next to the other, draped and looking generally absurd on those adult hangers.

I breathe deeply and touch their sleeves and shut the door again.

Those tiny coats.

Next week, and the week after, and months and years after that, I’m going to remind myself of those coats over and over and over again.

Those tiny, tiny coats.

And slow down, breathe deep, and enjoy.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, Feeling YaYa, Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies

What I Did During the SoCal Winter Storm of ’08

January 25, 2008 by Queen of Spain 7 Comments

First I cursed a bit because the Internet went down.

Then I cursed a bit because the Republicans were debating from Florida and making my head explode.

Then I decided to play doctor with the kids, as Princess Peanut was sick of spinning around after dressing HERSELF.

The children promptly got a fan (being used as a ‘head cut bandaid’) stuck in my hair.

We struggled over who could get said fan out of said hair best.

Both children tried, some harder than others.

The fan was freed after Mom realized it was actually two different toys stuck together and could easily be pulled apart.

Our garage is flooding and I’m pretty sure my back yard could use a canoe. Maybe some rafts.

Pray the internet says on.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, kill me now, Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies

When Martians Attack

January 24, 2008 by Queen of Spain 9 Comments

Minding my own business yesterday and half watching/listening to the local news I hear “Do images from Mars show life on the Red Planet? Take a look and decide for yourself.”

Thinking I had lost my mind I glanced up at the tv to see THIS.

Ummm. Ok.

Now none of this would be a big deal except my son is really, really, really, really into Mars and the Mars Rovers.

Spirit and Opportunity are household names around here and Count Waffles, at not yet 5-years old, is convinced he will one day retrieve his buddies from Mars. He’s serious too. He also thinks his Mom gets to go with him, but that’s another story.

So when I saw the images on the news I debated showing our budding astronaut. Here’s the problem though-he’s afraid of aliens.

He has nightmares about them and they totally freak him out.

I didn’t post the pic here because I’m afraid he’ll see it-that’s how bad he MIGHT freak.

So I stopped myself from showing him these rocks that look like a person, because I thought he would cry or scream or be convinced there are aliens on Mars and we all need to run and hide.

Does that make me a hover-mom?

Should I let him see them and explain they are rocks?

I KNOW he’ll be totally fascinated by the photo and the shot from Spirit (which we’ve look at a million times anyway) but I’m so afraid I’ll add to his fears.

I’m a big geek, aren’t I?

We’re going to watch the Disney documentary Roving Mars. Again.

I need a hook up at JPL. Or something.

Done babbling now.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, Stepford Crazies

The Fort That Ate My Front Room

January 15, 2008 by Queen of Spain 12 Comments

I’ve come a long way baby.

There was a time any sort of mess freaked me out. If you came over for dinner I would take and clean your glass before you were finished drinking.

Now I can hang, to a degree, with toys all over and various forts in each room. I really need to vent about this latest Count Waffle’s creation though-as it has now consumed every square inch of our playroom (aka the front room) and every pillow, blanket, toy in the house.

It has plumbing people. Tubes that used to be wrapping paper holders and a toy keyboard stand. While I applaud and encourage my son’s inventions, I need to draw the line somewhere. I’m thinking this thing can’t expand beyond the playroom. I’m also going to need to vacuum, eventually.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, Stepford Crazies

Spawn of Satan

January 14, 2008 by Queen of Spain 28 Comments

There has been much discussion in our house as of late regarding the 2.5 year-old and if and when she’ll grown horns and a tail.

That’s not really true, there is actually no real dispute over whether she is the spawn of Satan.

She is.

The end.

The dispute lies in the question: “If Princess Peanut is the Spawn of Satan-which parent is Satan?”

Yeah, that’s the sort of dinner conversation we have around here.

I would have to argue that Kaiser is Satan, as no one as angelic as I could ever be compared to Beelzebub . I’m sure he’ll disagree and give you some nonsense about my wild ways. Don’t believe a word.

In the meantime, while we decide exactly which parent is the devil…I’m picking up a copy of “Parenting the Strong Willed Child” and probably some more wine. I’d love your discipline advice if you have any. Last night she threw a boot at my head and didn’t seem to care I took away her puppy. Time-outs seem to um, only enrage her further and entrench her defiance. I’m getting a lot of typical “NO!” “I WILL NOT” and “NO YOU CAN’T!” which is usually accompanied by her arms folded or her hair flip. Sassy. She’s sassy.

I need to break her will.

I’ve pretty much done it all-taking away toys, time outs, etc. etc. She sleeps in the same room as her brother so that can be a problem at bedtime. Either way-I’m out of ideas and am going to resort to duct tape and a strong box to ship her to a convent if you guys don’t help me.

Hellllp meeeeeeeeeee interwebs…you are my only hope. Not to mention, her father is Satan.

Filed Under: Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies