MotherHood Isn’t Messing With My Beauty, But Shampoo Is

I love Laurie Berkner. The Kids love Laurie Berkner- but check out the Sauve ad on her WalMart Soundcheck show.

Sigh.

“Is Motherhood messing with your beauty?”

Sure is…

I am beautifully unaware of that crap.


Hat-tip Spare the Rock, Spoil the Child

I’ve Heard Enough Singing from the NetRoots

I’m the first to admit I am hard-headed.

and the readers laugh

I make a decision on something, and I get passionate about it. As if I’m leading a cult, I whip a frenzy of followers into getting passionate too and we march into battle.

Then somewhere along the lines, usually while marching, I realize I am probably being a wee bit extreme about the whole thing and maybe, just maybe, there is a more sensible way to approach this whole ‘battle.’ Which may or may not have really been a battle in the first place.

I’d like to think the difference between myself, and (for example) the community over at Daily Kos, is somewhere along the lines I catch myself and adjust.

I calm down.

I think.

I listen.

I do this, usually, while continuing to stand up for what I believe, adjusting my fight, and making sure I do all of the above in a manner that won’t SCREW my candidate.

I was willing to give my passionate friends over at Kos a hat tip and nod after the FISA uproar. I was willing to let the NetRoots be fringe, or bleeding edge-as the kid’s say.

Then they went and banned my friend Lee Stranahan.

Daily Kos. Banning.

No, no…really.

The liberal, ‘censorship sucks, we hate those who won’t listen to our point of view’ blog of the NetRoots, Daily Kos.

Now I’m convinced they are extremists who are no better than the Neo-Con, censoring, fundies.

Can I just remind you, oh holier than thou NetRoots…the Democratic candidate is a man who brings everyone to the table. He hears everyone out. He strives to make everyone work together- regardless of extremism.

I may not LIKE or support the idea of offshore drilling, but I do understand that we can’t just shut out one point of view. I may not LIKE the compromise on FISA, but I sure as hell understand that we need to take small steps in order to take giant ones. I may not LIKE that a liberal blogger is talking about the alleged Edwards affair, but I sure as HELL need to listen and be AWARE.

You can keep sticking your fingers in your ears and singing lalalalalalalalalalalalala. It’s one of my own favorite go-to moves. But trust me, in the end I catch myself. Because I just spent 8 years with an administration that sang a lot and didn’t listen. With a nation of conservatives hell bent on refusing to hear why I didn’t want prayer in my schools and why I wanted to control my own reproduction.

They didn’t want to listen. And once in power, they felt they didn’t have to listen.

Flash forward to 2008 and the power of the blogosphere.

You may not want to listen. Hell, I don’t want to listen.

But you have to listen.

Hold candidates accountable, reasonably march into battle….

…just take your fingers out of your damn ears and make room at the table for everyone.

*editor’s note: Lee Stranahan is tonight’s guest on Sunday Inquisition. Let’s hear it right from him….

Erin Kotecki Vest is usually over at Queen of Spain Blog causing trouble. Or behaving. Depending.

Well F You Too

Instead of going on and on and around and around, I’m just going to present to you-loyal readers and asshats just passing by- a list.

Yes.

A List.

Sessions at SXSW Interactive 2008:

Sex, Intimacy & Online Relationships

Why Sewing and Knitting Still Matter

Diaper Diarists

Pet Blogging: Not a Fluffy Puppy Story

Sexual Ethics, Interactivity and Virtual World

Pro Gridiron on the Web

Gossip

Make Your Art Work For You!

Virtual Mentoring for Real Life Success in Music

Your MOM 2.0

Blog World Expo 2008

The Internet and the Olympics

CLOSING KEYNOTE Gary Vaynerchuck Wine Library TV

How Blogging is Changing the Way We Live Our Lives For the Better

GODBLOGCON: The Missional Church in the Internet Age

Sports Blogging

Marketing to MommyBloggers

BlogHer 2008

DIY Content Syndication and Promotion

Why Bloggers (Even Non-Programmers) Benefit from Participating in Open Source Projects

How To Take Names and Be Taken Seriously as a Political Blogger

Blogging with a Global Perspective

Two Concurrent Sessions: Progressives & Conservatives

How We Communicate: Video Blogging

Funding & Incubation Opportunities and Women Entrepreneurs

Building Traffic via Content and Community

Talking About War & Peace/Who Better Serves Women Like You: Obama or McCain?

There’s More to Monetization than Advertising

Tools for Online Fundraising and Activism

Open Source Participation: How to advance to the next level

Top-notch Political Opinion Commentary

FAQs for Beginning Bloggers

Green/Social Change

Race and Gender: What are the lessons of 2008

What? You didn’t know? Obviously you missed it in the New York Times Fashion and Style section. Maybe write them an Op-Ed or a Letter to the Editor or something.

I’m done now.

The New York Times Has NO Fashion Sense

Apparently I can push political agendas, but I’ll always be seen as an Oprah-watching, bon-bon eating, Katie Couric-esq, shoe-shopping, GIRL.

Even the New York Times will write about how powerful I am, and how I’m not getting my props-yet they will publish the article in the ‘Fashion and Style‘ section.

Sure they will write about about heart attacks and blogging and place it in “Technology.” But WOMEN bloggers? Oh, they belong next to “It’s Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids” and “The BreakUps That Got Under My Skin.

Perhaps, with all the talk of us being “…a corporate-sponsored Oprah-inflected version of a ’60s consciousness-raising group” they missed the part about 36 million of us taking over as power-users of the web while raising our children and supporting our families.

Perhaps, I need to remind or at the very least provide some additional information that may or may not affect the future placement of a piece on women bloggers.

Women are outnumbering men on the web.

Women control .83cents of every household dollar spent. That means from buying a lawnmower to buying laundry detergent, women hold the purse strings.

Women have been turning off DayTime television and canceling their subscriptions to ‘female’ based magazines in favor of going online.

Yet when we get together yearly to learn from one another on the business and practices of blogging, the NYT sees fit to discuss us in the same breath as “what women are wearing on their feet this summer.”

Maybe they missed the part where we discussed open source with 2008 Google-O’Reilly Open Source Award Winner Angela Byron? Or where we met to create a position paper to be submitted to the Democratic National Committee for inclusion in the party platform? Or what about the BlogHer/NBC Universal deal worth 5 million?

I am thrilled the New York Times sees fit to cover a women’s blogging conference. I look at it as a step in the right direction.

But you surely don’t see stories about men bloggers in the Sports section or an article on the latest strategic partnership laced with phrases like “And though women and men are creating blogs in roughly equal numbers, many women at the conference were becoming very Katie Couric about their belief that they are not taken as seriously as their male counterparts…”

Is Michael Arrington of TechCrunch very Rupert Murdoch? Is Jason Calacanis of Mahalo very Matt Lauer?

Are the men in tech and blogging consistently being compared to their male, traditional media counterparts?

Not so much.

For every article on women and tech and blogging, you will see the words “Oprah” and “Couric” and “Fashion.”

New York Times…thanks for coming out to BlogHer ’08. Thanks for taking some photos. Thanks for raising awareness.

Next time I’m hoping you’re over our lactation station and daycare and “nurturing messages,” because if that is all you see…you’re missing out on a tour de force, online and off.

Crossposted at the Huffington Post
Erin Kotecki Vest is the Political Director at BlogHer.com and writes a !gasp! MommyBlog at Queen of Spain blog.

Reign Supreme

I’m listening to my mother and my brother discuss my daughter, and I can’t decide if I am thrilled or offended.

“She’s going to give you a run for your money.”

“She’s going to be the wild child.”

“The life of the party, breaking all the rules.”

“Battle of the wills. My money is on Princess Peanut- Erin, you’re going down.”

I just kept on slicing eggplant at the counter while they went on and on and on.

Needless to say the past few days with my 3-year old have been…let’s call them trying.

I’ve written about this before.Oh yeah and here. Oh…here too. And about 20 other times.

But she’s THREE.

3 sucks.

3 is worse than 2.

3 has phases.

3 can bite me.

3 can #suckit.

And so on. And so forth.

As I type this. our darling daughter is being sassy to her grandfather who made the mistake of trying to help her go potty.

NO.

I DO IT MYSELF GRAMPS!

And my Mom and brother are snickering from the couch and mentally pointing and laughing in my direction.

Everyone seems to be finding my ANGEL’s temper HILARIOUS.

High comedy.

The subject of very genuine belly laughs.

Me?

She might be more vocal than her brother before her…but no more difficult.

She’s certainly got more flair than her sibling…drama, shall we say…but no more difficult.

She is three. And three is killing me.

However…and this is a big HOWEVER…

I wrote the book on difficult.

The student must learn to respect the master.

The student needs to acknowledge the master.

The student still has a lot to learn about sass and manipulation.

If nothing else, Little Miss 3 needs a wait a few years before thinking she can take over the throne.

Spoiled, Not Stupid

BlogHer ’08 squees have faded and hundreds of powerful women bloggers are now back home with their families.

Companies are furiously entering new email addresses into their databases and I am going through the three totebags filled with everything from gift cards for photo prints to thumb drives to toys for my children.

I’m used to it.

I’m not impressed.

I’m spoiled by the big stuff. The video game sytems and the hottest electronics. The humidfiers and the loaner hybrid SUV’s.

I’m spoiled.

But while I revel in my swag, I fully realize these ‘gifts’ are bribes.

I’m not stupid.

The assumption that I am, pisses me off.

Just like any business, some people will act professionally and some will not.

Just like any friendship, some people will latch on to a person to use them and some will not.

I’m not stupid.

There is an assumption floating around the internet that we silly mommybloggers have no idea how to handle all this ‘fame’ and ‘fortune.’

We are taking free stuff and not being transparent when we write about it. We’re taking free stuff and thumbing our noses at any offering that isn’t the best and most expensive.

I’m not stupid.

I’m wondering if the tech bloggers were all called spoiled when they started getting the new notebooks via UPS. I’m wondering if the fashion writers were called spoiled when new designers sent over their spring lines. I’m wondering if any publishing site, anywhere, at anytime, for any reason was called ‘spoiled’ when they were sent the ‘newest’ or the ‘latest’ or the ‘most recent innovation.’

I’m not stupid.

It might make some of these larger names or sites or companies uncomfortable that this Mom of two in her PJ’s, drinking her morning coffee, conducts the business of blogging from her laptop while the rest of the industry toils.

I’m not stupid.

I’ve spent 3 years now wondering why you didn’t take me seriously. Annoyed you refused to acknowledge the revolution occurring. Pissed off I had to jump up and down screaming to have you notice me. Then, while being called spoiled, I realize something;

We do it better. We do it easier. We do it on our terms.

You are jealous.

I’m not stupid.

Hate. Criticize. Do whatever makes you feel better. I’m going to conduct the business of mommyblogging. The best of my community will continue to rise, the less transparent will fall. The typical cycle of any new medium will play itself out from rockstar, front page headlines to being replaced with the next best thing.

I’m not stupid.

And while it all plays out, my spoiled self will have paid some bills, met some amazing people, engaged in some unreal opportunities, all while you called me spoiled in my oversaturated market.

I’m not stupid.

I will also continue to do what I do, WHY I do it- for this hobby that became a business, but was always about my friends, my life, and my community.

I’m not stupid.

Spoiled…but not stupid.

Who Wants One?

Tell me your laptop isn’t just screaming for one of these babies

#suckit the laptop sticker

Hi. My Name Is Erin, And I AM A Patriot

I have never considered myself a patriot.

I have never served in the armed forces. I have never served as a lawmaker, or heck, even a volunteer.

I thought patriots died for America, they lost their homes or sacrificed their sons. I thought they did what was asked when the United States was in need and always stood by her side.

Those people are why I never once considered myself even close to a “patriot.” Sure I have a loyalty to my country, but I also question her. While it may be one of the things that makes this country great, it was always one of the things I thought disqualified me to really be patriotic.

Guess I was buying the spin too.

Senator Barack Obama spoke of patriotism this week in Independence, MO.

“Most Americans never bought into these simplistic world-views – these caricatures of left and right. Most Americans understood that dissent does not make one unpatriotic, and that there is nothing smart or sophisticated about a cynical disregard for America’s traditions and institutions. And yet the anger and turmoil of that period never entirely drained away. All too often our politics still seems trapped in these old, threadbare arguments – a fact most evident during our recent debates about the war in Iraq, when those who opposed administration policy were tagged by some as unpatriotic, and a general providing his best counsel on how to move forward in Iraq was accused of betrayal.

Given the enormous challenges that lie before us, we can no longer afford these sorts of divisions. None of us expect that arguments about patriotism will, or should, vanish entirely; after all, when we argue about patriotism, we are arguing about who we are as a country, and more importantly, who we should be. But surely we can agree that no party or political philosophy has a monopoly on patriotism. And surely we can arrive at a definition of patriotism that, however rough and imperfect, captures the best of America’s common spirit.”

The Senator has a point. While I never fully bought into those views, I also never publicly would call myself a “patriot.”

Then, on the heels of this speech, my husband said to me, “Erin, anyone who follows politics with a passion, who loves this country enough to constantly seek out information, and be passionate as to find out what is happening, wants to have a hand in where this country is going, and truly CARES, is a patriot.”

I thought of all the hours I spent following politics. The loss of time with my children as I work to bring information via blogging.

I am a patriot?

In his speech, Senator Obama made reference to the war in Iraq and those opposing the administration being “unpatriotic.” Of course my ears perked up, he was talking to me.

Then everything took an unexpected turn when the Senator said “…and a general providing his best counsel on how to move forward in Iraq was accused of betrayal.”

I was prepared for the part defending ME, as I have been against the war from day one and heard ALL about what a bad American I was. The curve-ball that made me sit up in my chair, was the vague mention of MoveOn.org.


Tennessee Guerilla Women
writes, “Ahem, would anyone like to venture a guess as to why Barack Obama saved his criticism of Move On until after the Democratic primary? And how many millions did Move On raise and spend on Barack Obama’s behalf anyway?”

StereoHyped says, “Obama’s aides say he’s keeping up the patriotism theme all week. However, its strongly doubtful his words will have much impact with certain segments of the population until he does something drastic, like bleach his skin or reject and denounce his blackness..”

WakeUpAmericans says, “…this came as a complete shock to see him rebuke them for it now…then again, he has won the presumptive nominee status so he really doesn’t need MoveOn as much as he needs the Independents and Moderates and he may just be sick and tired of them trying to push him around about his FISA…”

Honestly though, I think this just another reminder by the Senator that we can rise above the fray and find more constructive ways to deal with disagreement than name calling.

In a week where General Wesley Clark’s feet are to the fire over comments he made about Senator John McCain, it seems to me Senator Obama isn’t necessarily disagreeing with the message, but the tone and approach of the messenger.

If I can, for the very first time, publicly call myself a patriot- I would like to think I can do so without those taunts of “but you are not for the war!” and “how dare you call yourself that as our men and women stand in harms way and you refuse to support their efforts!”

However the Senator is right, and felt the need to give an entire speech on the subject this holiday week. He would be remiss to NOT hold accountable those of us so quick to decry our accusers while we call names at the other side.

I am a patriot.

Despite a brother-in-law fighting in Iraq, despite a yellow ribbon in front of my home, I still feel the need to defend my patriotism. Senator Obama felt a need to defend his.

Do you?

Get home safe

Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest also blogs at Queen of Spain blog

Cross posted at BlogHer.com