Queen of Spain Blog

WILL PUT OUT FOR HOCKEY TICKETS

May 16, 2007 by Queen of Spain 22 Comments

My first playoff game EVER and we were late. LATE.

Not late like, “oh, we were just running a little late…” but late like “OH FUCK I CAN NOT HAVE ANOTHER BABY” late.

The shitty kind of late. The stuck in traffic for three hours kind of late that makes Queen and Kaiser lose all humor and nearly get divorced kind of late. The kind of late that can only be shown in photos:

Yes, I did nearly kill us twice as we made our way to Anaheim. At the time, it seemed worth it to get to my first Red Wing playoff game when the pucked dropped. Yes, we did get there in one piece and once we sat down enjoyed a fabulous game where my team beat the living SNOT out of those stupid ducks.

I heckled. I had decent beer. I made fun of all the goalies we pummeled. And I drove home without banging the steering wheel.

5-0 Wings. That helped.

Anyone want to buy me tickets for tomorrow nights game? I promise to get there on time. OR I can just be your date…whatever. I’ll totally put out.

Filed Under: Royal Pain, Royal Sillies

Caption Contest

May 15, 2007 by Queen of Spain 13 Comments

Let me get the ball rolling:

“Why Yes, Erin…I AM getting ass fucked by Satan RIGHT NOW!”

…sure, I wish his family my sympathies…but I hope if there is any justice in this world Jerry Falwell is rotting in hell. Right. This. Very. Second.

Filed Under: Royal Pain

The Rumors (or RUMOURS for those Canadians out there) Are True

May 15, 2007 by Queen of Spain 12 Comments

It’s not enough that we blog together and cause chaos all over Second Life…So Karen aka TrollBaby is getting on a plane (she hates those) with a passport and leaving her country and coming to mine.

The itinerary is as follows: Get silly, drink, get sillier, drink, get girly, get silly, drink, drink, drink.
I’ve lined up the babysitters, booked the spa, gotten out the patio furniture for drinks by the pool, and even shaved my pits. All for Karen. She deserves it.

Let this post serve as a warning to everyone in the blogging world and the second life realm: Queen and Duchess are on the loose in Los Angeles, someone will end up getting a drunk IM, or phone call, or subjected to reading our incoherent blog posts.

Karen is still accepting Dares over on her blog for a great cause, if you like…I’ll throw myself in to help get the $$. So go ahead and dare both of us to do something. Together. (yes, we do have a surprise joint post planned-it will involve something we go to together…but that’s not a dare)

In the meantime, I have hockey tickets…for those who know me well enough you understand I may throw up from the sheer excitement of it all. I’ll be the one in red and white in a sea of Ducks. We’ll be behind Hasek to the left for the 1st and 3rd. Look for the crazy, screaming girl yelling things like “HIT HIM YOU IDIOT!” and “GET IT OUT OF THE ZONE!” and I have no doubt security will come warn me at some point for threatening Snoop Dog. I mean really…Ducks…ooooh, scary….(note the sarcasm). Believe it or not, after 32 years of being a Red Wings fan this is my first playoff game. MY FIRST. I know you guys don’t care so I will shut up now…but understand I MIGHT PEE MYSELF I’m so excited.

So in review, dare Karen and I to do stuff for a good cause, and Go Wings. OH…any bloggers or SL’ers from the greater Los Angeles area are invited to contact us to join in our romp.

Must go empty bladder now.

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa, Royally Inebriated

A thought for Mom’s Day

May 13, 2007 by Queen of Spain 5 Comments

I normally am not a Sunday morning comic girl (what? I like the food and local sections) but I happened upon Frazz this morning, and well…food for thought:

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa

TIT BRIGADE! ATTENTION!

May 11, 2007 by Queen of Spain 18 Comments

The page you have been waiting for is here!

In honor of breastfeeding mothers everywhere, all of whom should feed WHEREVER and WHENEVER they see fit, we are showing you our TITS. You will notice a new link in my LEFT sidebar that will FOREVER show my tits, your tits, anyone who wants’ tits to the world in an honest effort to make people everywhere realize THEY ARE JUST BOOBS!They are meant to feed. They are meant to nourish. THEY ARE NOT OBSCENE and they should and WILL be whipped out anywhere and everywhere there is a crying baby.
GET THE FUCK OVER THEM!

There is still time to add your tits to the cause. Email me at queenofspainblog@yahoo.com!

Filed Under: Royal Decree, Royal Hooters

Tits Across the Blogosphere

May 10, 2007 by Queen of Spain 13 Comments

Holy Boobs!

I want to thank everyone in their support of my “Whip ‘Em Out” for Maggie internet nurse-in. I can’t get over how many of you took off your tops and flashed me-all in the name of shutting up the haters.

I have so many emails I’m STILL reading them all, and so far, not ONE has been negative. And my inbox runneth over in boobage. So much so, that I’m going to launch an entire new page to this site brimming with nips, tits, and all that is breast. YOUR breasts that you sent me, linked to me, and otherwise lifted your shirts, bras, blankets, and those totally retarded “tents” to show me.

Look out internet, my tits are paving the way for dozens more…all beautiful, bodacious, and JUST FUCKING BOOBS! So in the spirit of telling the world to FUCK OFF THEY ARE JUST BOOBS I will happily launch the Tit Brigade in the next few days…for those who have already sent their tits to me, I thank you. Please let me know if you want them to be posted with or without your blog and or name. For those who want their tits on the page-email me now!

queenofspainblog@yahoo.com

For breastfeeding moms everywhere-SHOW US YOUR TITS!

Filed Under: Royal Decree, Royal Hooters

Maggie Gyllenhaal is my HERO

May 9, 2007 by Queen of Spain 55 Comments

I could not possibly be more grumpy today-so I suggest anyone not in the mood for one hell of a Queen rant, get the fuck off the blog now.

Cough.

Actress Maggie Gyllenhaal whipped out a tit and let her kid eat in public. You know where it goes from there. Sarah wrote about it over at Strollerderby and the comments range from “why are we talking about this again?” to “you boob feeders are sick-os” or something like that.

Of course, Sarah (being my real life friend) knows just how much this sets me off into a blind range and made sure I took at look at the article. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I quickly became possessed not to mention obsessed with exacting my revenge on those fuckheads of the world who seem to think I should breastfeed in a closet, in a bathroom, under a blanket, or not at all when their ignorant eyes are watching.

Let me expand on my Strollerderby comment, if you don’t mind:

Seriously? We’re going to fight about this again???

Fuck your blankets and fuck your bottles.

Go Maggie. The rest of you can suck my tits. I’m so not in the mood to have this discussion for the 1000th time.

Get the fuck over it. It’s just a boob.

It’s just a boob indeed. JUST A MOTHERFUCKING BOOB. I’ve written about this issue so many times now that I seriously do not know what else to say to all you asshats that seem to think my tit exposed to feed my child is baaaaaaaaaaad. You are a moron. End of story. (yes, this is a very well thought out argument, can’t you tell??) You are also forcing me to resort to drastic measures.

I’m here to make sure you get the fuck over seeing tits. Maggie, this is for you.

Suck it.

*****updated: It seems my tits have inspired others to do the same-in support of breastfeeding moms! Karl was first to whip em out in solidarity! Join us, won’t you? Post and I”ll link to you here!*******

Keri has joined the fun.

So has Summer!

And my favorite Violet!

For those who can not post a photo on their own blog, I will happily do it here!

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa, Royal Hooters, Royal Rant

Mother’s Day is a Scam!

May 8, 2007 by Queen of Spain 16 Comments

Mother’s Day for this Queen will always suck donkey balls. The end.

Sigh.

It’s Mother’s Day at Count Waffle’s little preschool and he’s home on the couch with a 103 degree fever. He’s sad because it was “our” day. I’m sad because it was “my” mother’s day and Princess Peanut is THRILLED because she no longer has said fever and is currently jumping off the living room couch and giggling.

Mother’s Day and I have a really shitty track record. There have been no brunches at fancy hotels or macaroni necklaces. There has been ONE champagne morning with a jewelery filled breakfast, but that was a make-up Sunday designed to balance the first year, which we shall never speak of again.

Then there was the last year where I got over zealous in my reminders of the pending day and forever established the “holiday” as a husband free zone.

So to have my ONE event this year taken from me by fever…makes me want to go beat up God. Or Buddha. Or the deity of your choice.

Fuck Mother’s Day. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Tell me how its really some trumped up Halmark holiday and I shouldn’t care. I’m starting a new trend where we hip Moms think Mother’s Day is some anti-woman, oppressive tradition where it makes females less empowered. Or something.

Ok, I’m going to go repeat that all to myself 300 times until I believe it while I go wipe tears.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, Stepford Crazies