I’m Offering BandAids And Lollipops

On Saturday the family is going for flu shots. It’s not something anyone wants to do. It will be unpleasant and painful. There might even be some after-effects that sting for a bit.

But we’re going.

I’ve come to the conclusion Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin need to treat the upcoming debates like a flu shot.

You’re going, whether you like it or not. So just get over it now. Roll up your sleeves, take a deep breath, and prepare to hurt.

In case you missed it, the McCain/Palin circus is now trying to skip out of the VP debate too.

Maybe they need lollipops?

How about a video treat instead…


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Sarah, John, the childish games are getting old. You can stall all you like, just like my 5 and 3-year olds before bedtime and just like they will attempt to do on Saturday before their shot, but these debates are going to happen.

I’ll get the bandaids ready.

Two Candidates, One Blogger: A Michigan Homecoming

I don’t know how else to write this, so I’m just going to be blunt.

It can be very depressing to hang out in metro-Detroit.

I’ve been back “home” visiting family for 48 hours now, and the stories of lay-offs and foreclosure and moves out-of-state are overwhelming.

In all honesty, downtown looks terrible. The suburbs are littered with for-sale signs.

My family and friends continue to keep on, keeping on.

At a family gathering on Sunday, the typical occurred.

We ate and the kids ran around.

The adults sitting around the patio talked about what the ‘Big 3’ needs to do, my Aunt got animated discussing how she doesn’t like Senator Obama (she doesn’t ‘trust him’), another Uncle told a racist joke (no one laughed this time), and I very quietly listened.

While I attempted to be stealth and ninja like listening…my blackberry gave out a huge DING DING DING, and all eyes fell on me.

They know what I do at BlogHer, and had been careful choosing their words around me all day.

With a half dozen pairs of eyes on me, I looked down, and read aloud: “Sen Obama to Unveil His ‘New Energy for America‘ Plan in Speech Monday. From Lansing. ”

Everyone got quiet.

We ate desert and talked gradually picked up again.

Cynicism and cautious optimism abound.

“Lansing …from Michigan. Could be risky. Could be brilliant,” said one uncle.

“He should do it here, they need it most here,” said my Mom.

“I don’t care what he says, I just don’t like him,” said an aunt.

So it was with great interest my mother, my aunt, and I watched the Senator speak from Lansing this morning.

As the Senator discussed his very detailed New Energy for America plan, touted by Climate Progress as “…easily the best energy plan ever put forward by a nominee of either party…” republicans were emailing me to let me know they were handing out tire gauges to mock Obama’s reminders that keeping your tires properly inflated saves gas.

They were mocking a gas saving tip while sending this to my inbox:

“Today, I’m asking for your help in putting Senator Obama’s “tire gauge” energy policy to the test. With an immediate donation of $25 or more, we will send you an “Obama Energy Plan” tire pressure gauge. Will simply inflating your tires reduce the financial burden of high gas prices on your wallet?

It’s clear Senator Obama has no plan to address the energy challenges we face as a nation. He has said no to offshore drilling, no to expanding domestic drilling and no to nuclear energy. He has no plan to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.”- Rick Davis Campaign Manager, John McCain 2008.

I read this aloud to my Mom.

She threw her hands in the air, entirely disgusted. She was watching Senator Obama give detailed information, point-by-point, on a plan that not just reduces our dependence on foreign oil but rids of us reliance on Middle East oil on 10 years.

“Why do they do that?”

My Mom asked, still shaking her head over the McCain Campaign email.

For the record NASCAR and the US Department of Energy agree with Senator Obama on the whole tire gauge thing, and the GOP is trying to make a joke of this:

Sugar writes, “Oh gosh I know the Ozoids are writhing even as I write this! lmao I tell you, the McCain camp is making this fun for me again because it is such a joy to see an opponent who doesn’t have the constraints that Hillary did, giving it to Obama raw. Hillary couldn’t ream him like she should have because of that party unity bullshit, but the McCain camp doesn’t have anything to lose…but the election…and they are going all out to ensure that they don’t. I’m loving it. “

But if they’d like to know how their “joke” played with Michigan voters….jokes on them. I’ve got several here either not getting it or disgusted with the gimmick.

They don’t want campaign gimmicks. They want jobs.

The tit-for-tat over who misspoke where over what isn’t playing well with this crowd. Not unless those jokes can pay their mortgage.

Meanwhile, my Aunt (undecided who she is supporting) is listening closer than I thought she would.

I can tell.

My Mom let’s out a ‘WOW’ at Obama saying his plan will create five million new green jobs. My Aunt raised an eyebrow and says “well that’s good.”

TankWoman writes, “I switched to CNN, and was pleasantly surprised by Obama’s plan. Okay, I take that back, I was more than pleasantly surprised, I was excited and inspired by the ideas that Obama spoke about this morning in the birthplace of the auto industry. And though I know that this speech was tailor made for Michigan, and designed to strengthen his poll numbers, I believe that this energy plan is the only way forward for our nation, and that if Obama is serious and dedicated to these issues, we may have a solution not only to climate change, but to the ailing economy.

The things that we need to do to stall the oncoming danger of climate change, are the very things that Obama outlined in his speech. We must invest heavily in alternative energy, if we don’t come up with the capital to take the risk out of these start-up industries, they will fail. We need investment tax credits for solar energy, and wind power, without them, there are major solar projects that will move to Europe, and the wind farms will not get built here, but move to Germany. Our auto industry is near bankruptcy, Ford and GM have reported the lowest sales in nearly 30 years.”

She’s right.

I’m here.

I’m seeing the factories empty and the friends and family members collecting unemployment. It’s been happening for a long time now, and there needs to be a real solution in bringing back not just this state’s economy, but the nation’s.

Tomorrow Senator McCain comes to town to tour a Nuclear Plant. Fermi 2, to be exact.

The same plant I see every time I visit my hometown. I’ll be watching and listening closely to compare the Senator from Arizona’s ideas to the Senator from Illinois.

And after spending the day with my family excited about Obama’s ambitious plan to provide real solutions to the people of Michigan-

Senator McCain had better show up with more than a tire gauge.

Cross posted at blogher.com

Thankful I am NOT a Jets Fan this Thanksgiving

I really don’t think it’s too much to ask that if I take my daughter to a football game, we walk to get a pretzel and some nachos without being harassed by a drunken mob. Call me crazy, but I’d love to actually sit near Gate D at a New York Jets game and not be groped or screamed at or if, heaven forbid I’m feeling prudish that day, have to duck spit and flying bottles from hundreds of angry men.

Of course my daughter and I could just sit somewhere else. We could go get Mommy a beer and kiddo a hot dog near some other, non infamous gate, and avoid the whole thing- and then I remember this is 2007 and women do have the right to walk in public.

I suppose if I were to take my daughter and I on over that way, I would have been asking for it, right?

And people wonder why I still yell and scream and write about women and gender equality.

Many sports fans (my entire house included…yes, the girls too) are discussing the New York Times article by David Picker describing what happens at Jets home games on pedestrian ramps near Gate D.

Huffington Post contributor Leora Tanenbaum says, “I hate to sound like a broken record, but the sexual double standard is alive and well. Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts. And across the land, people continue to believe that this is the way it’s supposed to be.” Tanenbaum drew attention and questioned the behavior while commentors asked for proof.

Let’s watch some YouTube, shall we???

As the NYT reports, this whole Gate D party is a tradition at Jets homegames. Meaning, Joe Jetsfan brings Joe Jr. Jetsfan, they share a beer, and join the mob out in the concourse to see how many women they can get to lift their shirts. Tradition. Happy Thanksgiving.

Some women comply. Some women walk away clothed and get heckled. Some women are spit on. Some women have bottles thrown at them. Some women are groped. More importantly…

hundreds of men think this is ok.

I attend sporting events. I am used to the one or two drunken idiots who scream four letter words and spill their beer. Security usually hovers near them and if they get out of hand they are escorted out. There is an entire mob getting out of hand at Jets games, and it’s tradition.


It’s Free Speech! We’re just having fun! Don’t come near Gate D if you don’t like it!

Let me speak in words you Gate D Jets fans understand, “Fuck you.”

Free speech is not harassment. Fun isn’t intimidating. And I’ll go anywhere I damn please, despite the fact I’m a woman. In fact, how about I come with a few thousand of your mothers, grandmothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, and girlfriends? We’ll exercise our free speech to teach you all about mob mentality, harassment, sexual abuse, intimidation, and gender equality issues.

I called Jets’ media relations to float my idea of taking Gate D back for the women. The nice PR phone-answering person took a message and I told them I was working on a deadline. “Yes, the HUFFINGTON POST, no, no…not Hubbington, HuFFington…and yes, BlogHER dot com. H-E-R, yes, BlogHER, yes, a network of over 13-thousand WOMEN…yes, I’d like to talk about the NY Times article, yes, the one about Gate D…yes, Blog H-E-R…”

…I’m still waiting for a call back. In the meantime, I’m going to really mess up Thanksgiving tradition and NOT spend it in the kitchen.

The Detroit Lions kick-off in an hour and my daughter and I have a game to watch.

I’m a Busy Bee…

I tend to keep busy. Sort of. I’m a very good at uberlaziness and total chaos deadline insanity. The end results are usually amazing and my “little” projects tend to keep me nice and sane while two preschoolers run around me throwing Cheerios and reciting Spongebob jokes.

That being said I’ll be involved in a new project launching over at blogher.com next month, and I’ve been very busy helping out my friend Andrew at Photrade.com. I have to tell you guys…I love the site and the idea behind it, not to mention I puffy heart Andrew and Krista and really want them to succeed.

I’ve got three invites to be part of the beta Photrade.com site and will happily give them to the first three bloggers asking in my comments!

***updated*** keep asking in the comments if you want one…you never know what sort of miracles I can pull off. 😉 No promises…but….maybe…

Welcome Photrade!

….a million and ONE dreams

Alright all you NON believers-I finally had a hair-brained idea and it WORKED!

Unlike my last outing with the kids sans help, I now RULE THE PARENTING WORLD and can manage two preschoolers and the Happiest and most crowded place on earth. No leashes. One stroller for about an hour-all while I sipped a latte and read them Chaucer.

Maybe not, but I conquered Disneyland and Disney’s California Adventure, bitches. (hmmm did I just hear a mouse sigh because I said “bitches?” some Disney exec is like…”did she haaaave to say that?”)

We were invited to a “parent blogger” reception by Disneyland Resorts and Maria Bailey. This included tickets to the parks, tickets trick-or-treating, swag-oh the swag. Let me just say when Disney puts on a “reception” they put ON a “reception.” I’m pretty sure my kids thought they were dreaming. This mom thought she was dreaming.

I left the house thinking we *might* make it a few hours and maybe go on a few rides-and if the kids lost it then we’d just come home. Not only did we do BOTH parks ALL day, we did the reception, trick-or-treated through California Adventure, then we spent the night at the Grand Californian.

To say the kids and I had the best day ever is probably an understatement. They were angels. They had that twinkle in their eyes that only comes when you get to kiss Mickey Mouse. They were in aww. They were out of words. They gave me more “Mom moments” than I can count.

Thanks Disney. Next time I get a hair-brained idea to take off with both kids by myself, I’m coming to you.

Carnys!

Like a drunken whore, not thinking before she acts…I took the kids to a local county fair this week. By. My. Self.
Yup…4H Club pigs, goats, cows (oops, I mean heifers) and kids in strange bow ties. The Ferris wheel my youngest was too small to ride and my oldest didn’t want to ride. Cotton Candy, live music (TONY ORLANDO!) and even hay. HAY people.

We had to ride a yellow school bus, much to the kids’ delight, to the fair. We couldn’t even park and walk on in. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this, other than I’m so shell shocked I need to just type. Type. Type. Type.

I should mention I live in the burbs of Los Angeles. Which means as much as we TRY to have a regular old county fair…we still have Pink’s hot dogs and the Bangles. That’s our fair.

Anyway, I woke up that day with um…as the men in my life call it an “I Love Lucy” moment and decided the kids and I needed to DO something that day. We NEEDED to get out of the house. I was thinking beach. Maybe the movies. The park. But I gave in to the udder obsessed 4-year old (its true, he loves cows with tits) and decided going to the county fair seemed easy and totally do-able.

Holy fuck was I wrong. From the yellow shuttle bus in to the fair “complex” to the hour ride home in traffic…I WAS WRONG.

A 2-year old who REFUSED to hold my hand and Count Waffles who ONLY WANTED COW TITS, I’m a tired, tired, tired mother. Send wine. I’ll be cowering in the corner and checking my email between bong hits.

Los Angeles I’m Yours

That “old” feeling can creep over you, unexpectedly, in many ways.

One way is while you are enjoying a show at the historic Hollywood Bowl, and the performers call for everyone to hold up their cell phones.

Ummm…wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhat?????

Back in my day we held up lighters. Ok, so they have probably been banned or something…but we certainly did NOT hold up our cell phones and let them glow blue and green in the Hollywood night sky. We held up FIRE-and then we used the FIRE to light up a smoke or a joint. THAT’s how it was done, dammit.

My girlfriend’s 15-year old informed me this has been happening for many years now. Which made me feel sad I was so old, but even more sad because it had been that long since we’d been to a concert. In fact, this was our first show since we moved to Los Angeles (nearly 10 years ago)-you know, where GOOD bands come to play, as opposed to say Farmville, MI where maybe, just maybe, one BIG act comes once every two years.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

All of that cell phone nonsense aside, if you are ever in Los Angeles, I highly recommend the historic Hollywood Bowl. Go ahead and bash LA-but I dare you to find anything like this anywhere else in the US. And yes, we drove our Prius there and drank wine-so make fun of us all you want. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Except maybe a lighter and a joint.

Dump the Sippy Cup, or the Terrorists Win

I have a 4-year old and a 2-year old and they both know to take off their shoes, put them in the tray, and push the tray through airport security.

How fucking sad is that?

I guess the way I will always remember life with computers and cable, my kids will always remember life with shoeless walks through a radar detector and the inability to have their sippy cups FULL until “mommy gets on the other side of all these police officers, honey.”

I realize it could be worse. I realize the small sacrifice I made, throwing out my coffee cup I had only taken ONE sip out of, helps the greater good (keep saying that…if I keep saying that it MIGHT be true) but when I hear stories about moms who were detained by police and missed their flights over a child’s spilled tap water…I tend to lose it, just a little.

The kids and I were lucky today. We flew across this entire “free” country without incident. We all know that never happens. Not in this day and age and not with two small children. But, here we are…on the east coast, with sippy cups intact. My son is recalling how he liked walking through the “puffer air blower” and my daughter has yet to put her shoes back ON from her dirty bomb/shoe check.

I don’t know where this country is headed. I can’t say I feel any more or less safe because I left our BIG tube of toothpaste and my daughter’s LARGE excema lotion at home because they didn’t fit in that plastic bag. Part of me thinks the smoke and mirrors I witnessed first hand just frighten my kids and piss me off. Part of me thinks this is just life in the USA.

What I do know, is I had angels, not terrors with me on our flight today-and for that I’m grateful.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE on take off to Florida

ANGELS on the plane