Madame Cindy Crawford???

I actually had to think before I sat down to write this post. I didn’t want to come down hard on another mom. I mean, we’ve all fucked up at this job. We’ve all done some pretty stupid things. We’ve all had some less than spectacular parenting moments.

And then I though about it some more, and realized this needs to be talked about and it needs to be talked about in a blunt manner. It’s not in my nature to beat around the bush. It’s not in my nature to play pattycake when speaking my mind, and I shouldn’t start now simply because I really, really want to give a celebrity Mom the benefit of the doubt.

Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber have allowed their 5-year-old daughter to pose for some photos. Allegedly she’s modeling swimsuits, though the suits could be easily called “nonexistent” or “age inappropriate.”

God, I know I sound like one hell of a Tipper Gore here, and I really, really don’t want too. But THIS PHOTO MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

Why? Because I can guarantee pedophiles are looking and enjoying.

Because it’s not a family photo, meant for a family photo album, of an innocent moment.

Because it’s posed, premeditated, and meant for mass consumption.

Because a 5-year-old is not only topless, but tattooed in order to seem fashionable and provocative.

Because other moms will think it’s ok to dress their girls like women.

Because other parents will think it’s ok to sexualize their children.

I’m not a prude. I am liberal. I’m ok with naked. I’m ok with art. I’m ok with being free and expressing yourself.

But THIS PHOTO MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE. I’m not seeing naked. I’m not seeing art. I’m not seeing innocence.

I’m seeing a little girl whored out.

And I want an explanation.

Hat tip to Red Stapler and Celebrity Baby Blog and Outside the Beltway Gone Hollywood.

Grown Men Suck and Little Girls Pad

…because THIS is what will happen if you don’t wean those babies of yours.

…and because THIS is why I just can’t get into the little whore clothing debate right now, other than to say “STOP FUCKING BUYING THIS SHIT AND THEY WON’T MAKE IT ANYMORE.”

“BREAST-enhancing padded bras for girls as young as six are being sold…Tiny matching lingerie sets of lacy bras and knickers in many children’s brands including Bratz, Saddle Club and Barbie, have hit the shelves aimed at girls who are barely old enough for school.”

…Thanks to the Kaiser and Belinda for the links

Dear Katie and CBS

You had me. I was buying the whole “I’m a professional and I no longer dress up for Halloween for ratings” thing. I even TIVO’d you, despite my usual NBC national news viewing, to see how you’d do on your first night. America cares like that.

You had the serious news face down. The straight delivery. Even the casual chatter when needed. I was buying it. My mind was going from “I’ve seen your colon” to “she’s giving me important, global, information.”

Then, it happened. I was just about to change the channel and BAM. You blew it. CBS blew it. And this woman won’t be watching you again.

They just had to have you lounge on the edge of the desk during the closing credits and dangle your legs like a cheap, smokey bar, piano act. Wow. What a quick way to WIPE OUT an entire newscast where I took you seriously.

You played the woman card. CBS played the woman card. In, what I can only guess, was an attempt to keep the NASCAR Dads viewing.

You’re better than that. And we women deserve a 2006 representation, not a 1956 one. For the “first” woman to solo a newscast, this former newscaster is disappointed. You had an opportunity to play with the big boys, show the world the talk of a woman not being able to carry a national newscast was outdated and silly, and you used your legs instead of your brain.

Dammit Katie. Like it or not, you represented many women journalists tonight. And you blew it by catering to “sex sells.” I don’t think I’ll ever take you seriously again.

With heartfelt regrets,


Go Vote Mortgage Moms!

…or go get a latte. Whatever.

Either way, go  leave me a comment at the Huffington Post.

The Huffington Post and the Queen of Spain

I am pleased to announce my new partnership with

the Huffington Post.

Please head on over there now, and read until McDonalds and Hummer are bankrupt, Target stops selling “Flirty” T-shirts to six-year-olds or I have nothing left to bitch about.

And you all know when that will be. *cough cough NEVER cough cough*

Go ahead and mark it down

In fairness to my readers, you might as well just start marking my PMS week on your little datebooks. Because another day has come and gone and I’m once again pissed off.

For those who don’t know, I’m on vacation. Which means I’m relaxed. I’m well fed (my mom stocked her house with my HUSBAND’s favorite candy, and he didn’t even come) and I have ample time to actually be kid free.

So today I went to Target. I needed to pick up these for Sarah’s Goon Squad. For those of you who know or read Sarah, you totally understand. The only thing I can add, is that somehow after years of drinking together, it became common for us to wear something (cat ears, viking helmets, crowns, etc.) on our heads. So I’m just passing on the tradition.

Anyway, I’m in Target and I’m passing the little girl section in the front. You know the one I mean. Not the baby girl section, but the kid girl section with all the t-shirts with sparkle cats on them and purses with fur. I glance over to admire the hot pink skirt and shirt combo when I read the little sign on top: “Flirty T’s for Summer.”


So, because I am that nosey and in a bad mood (stay with me here, it’s PMS week) I go see exactly what a “Flirty” T might be, and what age it might be for.

7,8, and 9-year olds.

Because as we all know, 7,8, and 9-year olds must have a Flirty T for Summer. It’s really not summer unless your daughter looks like a child bride/whore. Ok, actually the shirts weren’t that bad. Just shirts with silly slogans and designs. But, they were “flirty.”

At best, this is just a bad choice of words for Target’s sign guy. At worst, they are marketing the idea of flirting and being sexy to 7-year-olds.

Does this mean I have to boycott Target now too? There will be a few places left I can go buy my shit at, right? Should we all just chip in for some rural land and start a commune (with high speed connections and wifi, of course) now?

I can grow some pretty good tomatoes. And be the official shaver. I’m pretty good at mixing drinks, too. Anyone else have a talent they can contribute to our happy, evil free zone?

It’s that or I need something for PMS. Suggestions?

McEvil teams up with McEvil-er

How far in the tank do General Motor’s profits have to dip in order to market their gas guzzlers to my 3-year-old?

My adorable son came home from a “date” with his Nana last night, revved up from having seen Disney/Pixar’s Cars for the third time. In his wee little hand he was clutching the remains of his Happy Meal box. Dinner and a movie, everyone all together now “aaaaaw, a date with his Nana.”

Now maybe I’ve just lived in California too long. Maybe this ex-Detroit girl is disappointed in her hometown automakers for failing to step it up on the environmental end. Or maybe I just have PMS…but when I was presented with a mini toy-HUMMER, smelling of cheeseburger and fries, I cursed a blue streak that included “MOTHERFUCKER BIG OIL INFILTRATING MY HOUSE” and “YOU CAN’T EVEN GET YOUR KID A HAPPY MEAL ANYMORE WITHOUT THOSE DAMN BABY SEAL KILLER, ASTHMA GIVERS GETTING IN ON THE PROFITS.”

It wasn’t pretty. And I’ll admit, a little over the top. But since when am I subtle?

Stick a pirates treasure chest in there to promote Daddy’s new movie. Sure. I get that. Kid’s movie, kid’s toy. It works.

But Hummer teaming up with McDonalds makes me ill. I feel guilty enough as it is when I let my kids eat that crap every so often. But this match made in hell does not make sense. Unless it was just some corporate, behind closed doors, wink wink, nudge nudge, handshake deal that had white, fat cats laughing their asses off.

Count Waffles the Terrible will not be purchasing a Hummer anytime soon. Neither will his Prius owning parents. And for the record, my grandfather worked for Chrysler for 40 plus years. We own a Chrysler minivan. It has 8-thousand miles on it and it’s 2 years old. Suck on that Exxon. And we bought a Town and Country that was exclusively manufactured in Detroit and Windsor.

I know it’s not really fair to single out one car…but the Hummer really is a symbol of what is horrible about America. Consumerism at any cost and I shall rape the air, water, and land in the process. All so I can compensate for my small dick.

And now, like the tobacco companies before them, marketing execs over at GM think they are pulling a fast one on my kids.


I actually thought McDonalds was getting better. Promoting a healthier menu, etc. But this latest marketing scheme, in a time of high gas prices, war in oil rich lands, and a quickly eroding environment, makes this McMerger, Mc-bad PR.

No more happy meals. No GM products. And I’m spreading the word. Join me, won’t you?

…now I’m off to try and explain “carbon footprints” to my little guy.

For those interested, you can read the McDonald’s press release HERE. Feel free to let them know how you feel. I am.