Queen of Spain Blog

The Perfect Shirt

November 3, 2006 by Queen of Spain 17 Comments

I found the perfect shirt today. It’s the shirt I’ve been looking for. The shirt I’ve been dreaming of. The shirt that will perfectly match the perfect pants and perfect boots I picked out for what will undoubtedly be an imperfect family photo taken at a JC Penny’s in West Virginia.

Yeah, you heard me.

The family will soon be traveling to West Virginia. To take photos in a JC Penny and ride on tractors. Well, I don’t think I will be riding on any tractors, but my son sure is excited.

Anyway, back to the shirt. The shirt is still sitting at a local department store after I carried two hysterical children, one under each arm, out of said department store. This was after the boy clung to a pair of jeans on a hanger, thinking it would save him from being carried out, and the girl crashed the display of Halloween sale items to the ground as she too grasped for something to stop the larger and stronger carrying arms of her mother.

Somewhere in the middle of looking at children’s clothing and finding that shirt, my kids got the store shits. You know, the store shits. The one where they get all grumpy because they have to look at Mommy things and not kid things and they don’t want to walk. Or be carried. So they touch things you tell them not to touch and the whine and complain the entire time and all you want to do is buy a motherfucking shirt.

You didn’t even try on the shirt, because you knew there was no way that was going to fly…but at least you found a shirt that will match your pants so you can look, at the very least, clean and respectable while you try and sit pretty for a picture. Taken at a JC Penny’s in West Virginia.

Now that stupid shirt is still sitting in the store where I am positive that RIGHT NOW some childless person is trying it on lazily and taking it up to the cash register. Stupid childless people. And your lazy, try on shopping. That’s MY shirt. Put it down.

Anyone want to babysit while I go buy a shirt?

Filed Under: Royal Pain

Naptime Activist

November 2, 2006 by Queen of Spain 14 Comments

**update–hear my slow blabbering on the BBC. Right around :25:52 into the newscast you will hear my lovely voice-the player is on your left

I’ve opened my big mouth again. This time, an entire country will be listening.

Welcome to my new readers from across the pond. I hear you guys have a Queen too. I wonder if she could make me honorary royalty or something. You know, put a little ooommmph behind my blog title.

Anyone over there got any pull?

**thanks to the KPCC NPR studios in Pasadena for allowing my voice to travel and annoy all of London*and beyond. 🙂

Everyone should also know this is the slowest I have ever talked for radio, in my life. I am a fast talker. And you have no idea how hard it was for me to slow myself down to the BBC pace. Go listen and laugh at me.

Filed Under: Holding Court, Queenie Backup

Post Holiday Meltdown

November 1, 2006 by Queen of Spain 6 Comments

There are days I am the laziest Mom ever.

For instance, on the day after Halloween when my children ate nothing but candy, a few frozen waffles, some flat bread and baked brie, and more candy.

I’m not kidding.

On the other hand, my house got cleaned. Which, for some odd reason I don’t categorize as part of being a Mom, but rather as just keeping my living quarters healthy and respectable.

It’s not as if Halloween was sooooooooo much unlike any other day around here that I needed this entire day to recoup. The kids didn’t get to bed too late. They didn’t travel anywhere out of the ordinary or need anything extraordinary. Which leads me to believe my post-holiday laziness is purely mental.

I had to plan the costumes. Decorate the house. Get 3 dozen donut holes for the school parade. Attend the school parade, remember the camera, bring the change of clothes, bring the costume home. Attend the smaller child’s class party, remember the costume. Buy the candy to hand out. Get ready to trick or trick. Remember the camera. Actually trick or treat-twice-once in our neighborhood and once from a party in an adjoining neighborhood. Remember the camera. Remember my costume. Remember my husband’s costume. Remember the “adult” cider. Remember the “adult” cider travel mugs. Remember glow sticks. Remember all parts of all peoples costumes. Do without some parts of peoples costumes. Rely heavily on my husband to make all those above things happen.

Oh, don’t forget the tissues for runny noses and the extra pull ups for the 3-year old with the candy-induced shits.

Sometimes, in the midst of all the excitement, I’m so busy remembering that I forget to have fun.

…and then little voices, tiny voices, skip and sing about candy and treats and tricks and all the remembering melts away. The “adult” cider helps too.

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

…the crap I put up with

November 1, 2006 by Queen of Spain 11 Comments

Dear Neighbor,

I see you went to John Hopkins University and that your future wife is also went on to higher education, graduating from the University of Virginia . Congratulations! You must be very proud of those accomplishments.

I know you work at highly competitive defense companies in the D.C. metro area too, so you must be quite smart. Humor me a moment then while I ask you some questions. When you went to those institutions of higher learning did you ever take a health class? A health class that taught you, oh I don’t know, that letting your dog crap all over your lawn is NOT healthy for ANYONE? No? You didn’t? Oh. Well, let me give you a little lesson right now.

1. The Home Owners Association (HOA) kindly provides free plastic bags for you to scoop up your pets pooh each time it goes to the bathroom outside. Remember that. EACH TIME your dog goes to the bathroom outside, the owner must pick it up. Say it with me now. I, the owner of a giant yellow lab, will pick up my dog’s crap each time it uses the great outdoors as a bathroom. Good! Great! I would say you take instructions well, but clearly you don’t. Last week I counted six piles of poop on your tiny 6X6 plot of a land you call a front yard. I call it a pile of shit. 2. What happens to owners who don’t pick up after their animals? They get reported. R-E-P-O-R-T-E-D. Reported. To the HOA. Loser. That’s right graduate. You are a loser. Why? Because I have to constantly watch out for feces. Every day. In my own yard. I have reported you a few times now and we all got letters in the mail from the HOA because of YOU. You and your stinky, messy, big poop pile making dog.

Another lesson that you should have learned at this stage in your life as a responsible adult/pet owner is how to hire good help. That cousin or whoever that person is that you took pity on and hired to walk your dog each day DOESN’T. She goes out on your deck and plays on her laptop while yelling at your dog to stop barking. She then lets your dog cop a squat on your front lawn, near the mailboxes, or your other neighbor’s cars and take a big dump. We do love to fertilize our lawns as good suburbanites.

However, I prefer to choose my own brand of manure thank you very much! I’m sick of “catching” her “forgetting” a bag. She’s a dog walker. That is the sole purpose of her job, to walk your dog and pick up its crap. She is clearly lacking in the intelligence your car stickers say you possess. If you don’t fire her soon, I will.

I will lie in wait for her one day and nail her with a bee bee gun right in her waddling butt. I like animals so I won’t fire a round off on your dog. Plus, that would be rude. Just as rude as continuous laziness is as you watch your dog poop everywhere making our tiny Pleasantville a series of land mines to be watched for. Thank you for your time and hopefully future cooperation.

Sincerely,

you’re loving neighbor

P.S. Yes, that was me who left the entire weeks worth of your dog’s crap on your front steps a few months back. Silly me for thinking that alone would teach you how to behave in polite society. Don’t make me torch it next time.

Vicky, a conspiracy lover from the DC Metro area, is a some time freelance writer, constant blogger and an always aspiring novelist. Mother to one Tiny Dictator bearing a striking resemblance to Mussolini she plans coups during her day job and tries to hold down the suburban fort at night.

*all the fun is part of blog exchange! I’m over at Vicky’s place today!

Filed Under: blog exchange!

Choo-Choo Soul Rocks Queen of Spain!

October 30, 2006 by Queen of Spain 48 Comments

We dance to them in our living room. They get the kids bopping before breakfast. Choo-Choo Soul on Playhouse Disney is one of the ONLY “kid” groups we ALL love around here. In honor of their Itunes release on Halloween, I had a nice little chat with Genevieve, my son’s first crush and my daughter’s new idol.

All Aboard!!!

Tell the Moms a little about Choo Choo Soul and how it was formed:

Well Greg came up with this whole idea, but it all started when we met in his office in Northern Cal, when I was auditioning for a voiceover job for his incredibly amazing video game, TOEJAM & EARL III, Mission to Earth. I was auditioning for the lead but wasn’t quite what they were looking for, but we had great chemistry and he cast me as several background character voices. When he asked me to try “singing” a line instead of just reading it, a HUGE lightbulb went off in his mind and he ended up writing a bunch of new lines for me to sing in the game. After the release, he came up with the idea of doing a whole children’s CD, with hip music that parents would actually like too! We agreed to create the product in hopes that it would get picked up but had no idea it would go this far! Disney was interested in the music but after thinking about the concept and seeing some pics, they were considering it as a live tv spot. They flew Greg and I down to LA and brought us to a pre-school class with about 25 kids. They instructed us to some important guys in suits and ties and they set up a video camera, pressed play on the cd and said .. “GO!” DC, who can also be seen in the videos, was in a band with me at the time and Greg had him add his beatboxing talents to the CD. He just so happens to be ADORABLE so Disney wanted him on the show as well!!! ”

Your music is really one of a kind in the kids’ genre right now-was that on purpose?

I think so. Greg wrote the songs and I added my twist, with harmonies and backgrounds and what-not. I think we all inspired each other to keep it hip and really to give kids more credit than they get… They actually are really hip and don’t necessarily need to be “talked down to”. They love our music too, so why not give them their own grown up-style music while also helping the parents get a little relief!! Greg had worked with Burke before too, who is the one who made the music. Greg would come up with the beat in his head and actually sing it to Burke, who made it what you now hear. I think the long standing Chemistry helped a lot too.

How are enjoying the “smaller” audience? Is it harder to entertain kids than adults?

I LOOOVE the small audience!!! They don’t care What I’m wearing, who I’m dating, How much I weigh….. They are so honest and so precious I just love it. It is definitely difficult to keep their attention and to entertain them overall. But the great beat and energy of the music makes it really easy on me as the front person! Adults can be tough to entertain as well so that is hard to answer. I’d say so far in my career though it has been harder to entertain adults.

Finally, THANK YOU for making GOOD music for kids that the whole family can dance around the kitchen and sing too. I can’t tell you how nice it is to have something WE ALL want to listen to…so now that you’re big stars on Disney, what’s next? Will we get to see you live? Will there be Choo Choo Soul plush toys on store shelves? And can we say we knew you when???

Well I sure hope you can say you knew us when!! As for now Choo Choo Soul is still a “pilot” so to speak. It is airing every day but they are deciding if they want to make it into a full-time show. They will be releasing the songs on iTunes on October 31st!! I think that depending on how well that sells they may start making some decisions. I have a hunch that they will make these videos into a DVD series and sell those as well….. I’m hoping for a full length show, a movie or a live show tour! (I hadn’t thought about the plush doll!!!! That would be amazing!!!)

Filed Under: Feeling YaYa

Rockin the Weekend

October 27, 2006 by Queen of Spain 11 Comments

If your Nana and Gramps fly in from across the country and take you to the toy store…what would you pick?

Personally, I would have went with a ride on tractor or barbie jeep or something. But whatever.

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

It’s the World Series of Elections

October 27, 2006 by Queen of Spain 6 Comments

I’m at the Huffington Post today. Don’t be scared. Go read me.

Go Tigers.

Filed Under: Queenie Backup

Let’s Just Say…

October 25, 2006 by Queen of Spain 43 Comments

Hypothetically, you have a teenage son, a young teenage son.

He has a girlfriend.

You have most of the neighborhood over yearly to have some cider and snacks, then everyone goes out trick or treating from your doorstep.

Most of the group is 1-3 year-olds and their parents, a few 10-12-year olds and a two to three 14 and 16-year-olds.

The girlfriend has announced she’s going to be a HOOTERS girl for Halloween. She’s going to wear a HOOTERS shirt (apparently not belly bearing) and shorts to the trick or treating, family event.

You:

a) have no idea what to do

b) tell your son it’s inappropriate and leave it at that

c) tell her she’s not welcome unless she doesn’t dress like a whore

d) talk to her parents

e) do nothing

f) ????

Filed Under: Holding Court, Queenie Backup, Royal Family Outing, Royal Hooters