How Hillary Can Win Me Back

January 6, 2008 by 13 Comments

I saw it during the ABC/Facebook debate last night. That spark. I SAW IT.

When Edwards and Obama started hammering her tag-team style, she got ANGRY-that’s when the Hillary I used to love came back out to fight.

Of course, that Hillary is the one that tends to fire me up while turning others off. That’s the Hillary that gets the sexist and conservative voters calling her the b word and railing against having a crazy woman in power.

That fight I saw in her? It was real. Genuine. It was the kind of thing her campaign was trying to manufacture with those cackles on national television and giggles of a “softer side.” Why can’t they just admit “Hillary lite” isn’t nearly as exciting and commanding as “Hillary pissed and yelling” – don’t sell me a softer Hillary, sell me what I KNOW works and gets stuff done: Raging Ass Kicker Hillary.

I don’t care anymore if you hate her for it. You hated her anyway and you’ll hate her again. I don’t care if she’s so far into the establishment she is considered the “same old thing.”

Bring back the Hillary people love to hate instead of this Middle-of-The-Road-play-all-sides, rhetoric spewing android democrat and she’ll get me back. Then we can talk about experience AND history. Then we can talk about having the resume AND being the First Woman President.

She was right last night-a woman in the oval office would be huge. But no one is talking about it yet. No one is excited about it yet-why? She’s made us forget she could make history by becoming one of the many drones of politics. By becoming one of them. She used to be trail blazer, now she’s lost in the herd.

Show me that trail blazer again. Show me the woman who tried to push universal health care while not even a politician. Who, when I was still a teenager, had me reading up on drug makers and their lobby. Who had me proud and excited a strong and vocal woman was injecting herself into the national spotlight in a way no other First Lady has.

Let her loose.

Then all those women and young people the Hillary camp took for granted-all those WOMEN LIKE ME who have been waiting their ENTIRE LIVES for this just might consider making it happen.

Let her loose.

And hope it’s not too late.

crossposted at the Huffington Post

Filed Under: BlogHer, Feeling YaYa, Holding Court, War in Iraq Sucks It

Barbie is One Sly Minx

January 4, 2008 by 11 Comments

I caved and bought that freaking Barbie and her 12 Dancing Sister Princesses Fairyworld Mermadia Utopia of Tutu’s and Fluff DVD.

Something in my GUT told me to say “no” but in case you don’t know there are three big storms coming our way and I need new movies dammit. I can only color and play cars for SOOOOO long people, come on.

As expected Princess Peanut donned her tutu and clapped and danced and was simply OVERJOYED at “Hi, I’m Barbie, I play Genevieve the oldest sister….” or some crap. Then it was a blur of songs and ballet shoes and gold dust and really bad CG (um, yes, I do know what bad animation looks like..hello…).

There was the much anticipated dancing and some inane plot about an evil step mother and a dying father and blah blah blah you know the story.

Mostly our first Barbie experience was harmless. I say mostly because I was slightly annoyed at the giggling over some cobbler boy (he makes the shoes, get with the program) and the rate at which my little Princess wanted to change outfits to twirl around in. But what really got me…was an unexpected interested in the movie by Count Waffles.

Mind you, he’s not even 5 yet and he’s very into “that’s a BOY toy not a GIRL toy” and “I don’t want PINK that’s a GIRL color”-yes, his feminist mother is so proud.

So when the Count wandered over to see what all the frufru was about and our little Peanut explained “Dat Barbie and DAT da Princesses and day daaaaaaaaaaaaaaace” the response was one I had NOT counted on:

“Wow. She really is beautiful.” And a glazed look fell over him and he sat down to stare.

Fuckin’ Barbie.

Slut!

Whore!

Tramp!

Trollop!

JEZEBEL!

I’ll take you down bitch. Stay away from my baby boy.

And with that I shall now commence hating every.single.one. of his future girlfriends.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, kill me now, Princess Peanut

Dear Michelle Obama, A Look Back

January 2, 2008 by 7 Comments

About a year ago, I wrote an open letter to Michelle Obama and published it here on the Huffington Post. It was picked up by the Chicago Sun Times and for one reason or another became a heavy topic around the web and at dinner tables because me-the white suburban mom-dared to utter the word everyone is thinking but no one wants to say.

It was probably one of the most sincere and heartfelt things I have ever written in my life. At the time I was getting ready for Christmas with my family and watching the candidates slowly declare for 2008.

I couldn’t help but wonder what on earth Michelle Obama was thinking. Not as a prominent player in American politics or as the wife of a Senator. I was wondering what the “Mom” in her was struggling with, if anything:

“The simple fact that I know you are weighing this decision with such intensity makes me like you and your husband even more. It confirms to me you are the type of people I think you are: smart, loving, educated, and with great common sense. Frankly, it makes me want your husband in the Oval Office even more. I’m just not sure my needs outweigh the cost to you and yours. I don’t want to seem like a selfish American, but it will take something BIG to give hope to this country and those of us disheartened, disenfranchised, and just plain disgusted with the current state of affairs. Yes, I want Senator Barack Obama to be that something big. I want him to be the answer. I want to ask you to support his run in 2008. But I can’t. I can’t ask you to do it for me. I can’t ask you to do it for the children or for the future or for the good of mankind. You are a mother, like I am a mother, and I know I can’t ask that of you.

I can only wait.

Whatever you decide, the Moms, if no one else, will understand and have your back.”

Many things have happened in the year since I wrote those paragraphs. Senator Obama is, in fact, a presidential candidate and depending which poll you like best, he’s not just in the race-he’s in the lead.

Again I find my mind wandering back to Michelle Obama. Because she’s a mother. Because she’s a woman holding two little girls hands, standing next to her husband, with history on the line.

I get twinges of this feeling with Senator Hillary Clinton. They are more reserved, and I haven’t exactly figured out why. The mother piece is there. The woman piece. The history. The first. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the Senator. If she is the Democratic Nominee she will absolutely get my vote and I’ll be first in line to champion the first woman President of the United States of America.

Maybe it’s the sacrifice that is missing. Maybe I look at Michelle Obama and her family’s potential first differently than Senator Clinton’s. We all know the Clinton family has been dealing with the White House and all it entails, and Chelsea is grown and it seems just less…risky? Maybe that’s naive of me. Whatever the reason, the more I see Senator Obama climb in the polls, the more my mind thinks of his wife and family.

When the firestorm erupted over my original article I responded on my personal blog,

“But that really is what all of this is about. It’s about being a mother. Do you go with showing your children just how big of an impact you can make on the world? Do you take the safer route? It’s about choices. And the millions of choices that go with motherhood. Breast or bottle. Work or home. Cloth or disposable? It. Never. Ends.

My letter to Michelle Obama was nothing more than my sympathy and empathy for having to make yet another motherhood decision. And as we all know, what is best for one family is not, necessarily best for the next.

I still breastfeed my 21-month old. That is a choice that I get shit for. But it works for my family. Sure, it’s not an oval office issue or anything, but it’s an issue none the less. And it seems we women get shit for any decision we make on any motherhood issue.

As a mother, and a mother with a rather LOUD speaking platform, I will happily get the back of ANY MOM for their decisions. It’s time for the world to SHUT THE FUCK UP and remember it’s the mothers who sacrifice, suffer, and agonize over those decisions.”

Then, of course, I received another round of hate mail because I’m a mother and a woman and I curse.

The Obama and Clinton family will always have my utmost respect simply for trying to be the first-motives not withstanding. There is risk in this for white, Southern, male John Edwards but I’m not sure it’s the risk of the first minority or the first woman.

I realize we’re all trying to get past this whole race/gender thing…but let’s be real here-you and I both know people who say things like “I just don’t want a black man as president” or “I just can’t vote for a woman.” Throw in the “mother” and “family” factor and I think the Obama’s and Clinton’s will never get a fair shake.

I know-I’m a woman. I’m a mother. We can’t even pick out the right toy at the store without it being a national issue.

I am at a total loss for what I may be writing one year from now. I’m not even sure who I’m voting for let alone what I think might happen come next holiday season. Will we be talking of risk and firsts or will be over it entirely and already bitching about those first 100 days in office?

What I do know, is the same holds true today as I wrote last year:

“The talking heads and pundits can make fun of me all they want, but how soon they forget photos like this, and this, and this. It’s easy to dismiss a ‘self-described Mom’ when she’s showing support for a fellow mother, but it’s not so easy to dismiss all the mothers, wives, and children I see in those photos.

So mount your protests and do your best spin on my very honest letter. Just keep reading. Because the Mom voice will stay loud, and we’re making the decisions that rock the world-whether you like it or not.”

Crossposted at the Huffington Post

Filed Under: #SUCKITLupus, Holding Court, Queenie Backup

Ignore that Woman behind the Curtain

January 1, 2008 by 2 Comments

…we’re tweaking graphics. Sit tight.

Good for us she’s really smart and talented. This guy helped too.

Anyway, if it’s wonky for a few hours, nevermind us and move along.

Filed Under: Kaiser, kill me now, Queenie Backup, Stepford Crazies

New Years

December 31, 2007 by 12 Comments

I recently twittered about my ultimate New Year’s Eve…the one I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember- I want to do that whole cold, crowded Times Square in New York thing. Just once.

Odds are I would hate it and find it entirely overrated, but it’s never stopped me from REALLY wanting to go do it. When I was young and single I was too broke. When I was young and un-single I was too broke. When I was married and we had *some* fun money we had to save for a wedding and house, etc.

Then I got pregnant.

Then I was breastfeeding.

Then I got pregnant again.

Then I was breastfeeding again.

Now I’m broke with kids and no babysitter.

So wanting to go to New York for New Year’s Eve is more of a dream than ever. Funny thing is, I really hate the cold and I really hate crowds. I think it’s more of a “GODDAMMIT I WILL DO THIS ONE DAY” because everything in my life keeps getting derailed.

In fact, *I* am derailed. ALL of me.

Mom, interrupted.

Wait, that’s not even right…

Woman, interrupted.

I do everything with interruptions. My life is one big “oh, wait…hang on…what was I doing?”

It’s making me insane (er).

I realize life takes turns and things change. I realize you start off going one way and you get turned around or pushed in a direction you never expected. However, this was the path I *chose* and now I’m complaining. Unsatisfied. Restless.

The entire “spend New Years Eve in NYC” is just this HUGE freaking reminder that my life is on hold. That I chose to raise children and now I really can’t just chuck them to the curb and change my mind. Tempting….but no.

I WILL get there one day. I will stand in the middle of Time’s Square and kiss at midnight and drink champagne and bitch about the freezing weather. I might be 80, but dammit, I WILL get there.

I guess that means I just made a New Year’s resolution. Hmmm. Hold me to it, K?

Filed Under: Stepford Crazies

Young Lady!

December 28, 2007 by 7 Comments

I say that to my daughter. A lot. I’m not sure where it comes from, or why…but I find myself spewing things like “Now young lady, we don’t do that!” and “Young ladies do NOT hit.”

I could puke.

But then I see stories like this one out of Independence, MO and I about puke again:

“Dozens of girls fought — possibly about a boy — outside a mall on Wednesday, and the brawl ended with mall security officers using pepper spray and police using Taser guns, authorities said.

It happened outside an Applebees at Independence Center and involved about 20 to 30 teenage girls, police said.A mall security officer was injured trying to break up the fight. Police took four females into custody. Two of them were juveniles.”

Now before you go jumping on me about equality or any of that crap…let me explain where I’m going with this…

I expect more from a group of young women. It’s not fair. It’s not right. It’s certainly not PC, but as women actually gain things like the right to fight in combat and blah blah blah…I still expect they don’t act like …well…men.

We’re smarter. We’re better. Except, of course, for my son, who is just as smart and just as good…but the rest of you with a penis are inferior.

I’d like to think we women folk are more evolved. Maybe that’s why I’m harder on my daughter sometimes. I don’t mean to be, I just expect more from her. I expect more from women in general.

Which means I’d rather they not act like frat boys and brawl outside an Applebees.

I also don’t want them sitting around in skirts knitting their man a sweater.

I think I need to go re-enroll in some women’s lit courses or some post-feminism discussion groups. Clearly I have some issues here.

Filed Under: BlogHer, Feeling YaYa, Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies

Mom Gone Mad

December 26, 2007 by 36 Comments

So I’m having it out with Dad Gone Mad. I can do that, he’s my friend. So don’t be getting any ideas that we hate each other or something. We’re friends that can agree to disagree and go back and forth and get nasty but still respect each other.

He’s being a big girl and wants Nickelodeon to take Zoey 101 off the air. He’s also against them airing any sort of special on teen pregnancy. Why? I’ll let him tell you:

“There was a report by the Associate Press yesterday that announced Nickelodeon was considering a special program on its air about teen pregnancy. I nearly puked.

Fact: teen pregnancy is real.

Fact: kids need to know what this girl did was stupid, irresponsible, and ruinous.

Fiction: that message should be delivered on a television show.

I went to a state university. I’ve had a mental illness. But this is what I want.

I want Nickelodeon – a channel that markets itself toward children to take a fucking stand.

I want them to announce that they have canceled this show, and I want them to say they did so because their audience is children and Ms. Spears’ behavior does not reflect the image they want those children to see.

I want them to say that parents who wish to speak to their children about this issue can log onto a website where they can find resources and strategies written by professionals.

In my view, that would be the decent thing to do.

I do NOT want this girl to be lambasted, nor do I want to see her mother publicly humiliated. Her daughter is not the only pregnant teenager in America.”

Danny, Danny, Danny. This makes me want to kick you in the nads. Why? Let’s read Erin’s comment in Danny’s post:

“Alright I realize we’ve been around and around on this already..but here goes anyway:

You’re all fucking crazy. Stick your heads in the sand some more and shun 16 year olds for irresponsible sex. Oh, wait…it’s the 16 year old GIRL we’re shunning. Nice message asshats.

So you’re fine with Bratz commercials because HEY, that’s just subliminal. Yet when they offer to tackle the subject with discretion and age appropriateness you get all up in arms? What the hell? If the sex is there already, subliminal or otherwise, why are you letting them watch Nick NOW?

And what, exactly, is a 6-year old doing watching that anyway? I mean…last I checked her character wasn’t knocked up and talking about this. And if Nick addresses it, turn it the hell off if you don’t want them to see it.

I applaud Nick for at least trying here. Will they get it right? I have no idea. And as a parent it’s your duty to prescreen or shut it off if you don’t like it. Do I think they should air or not air a special? I’m not sure. Depends on how, when, etc. Again, at least they are *thinking* about how to deal with it. You just want it swept under the rug instead of having a *gasp* talk with your kids. Be a parent, teach them things in an age appropriate manner or don’t let them watch tv or go outside or see the world, period.

Your job is to guide and protect, and the last I checked sex wasn’t something anyone needed protection from, just education ON. It’s not evil and it’s not bad and it’s not WRONG.

BTW, you can’t fire a woman for being pregnant, it’s against the law.

My kids are 4.5 and 2.5 and there is no mystery about babies or sex and they are STILL KIDS.
You people need to get the stick out of your asses.”

Furthermore: Let your preschooler and or elementary schooler watch High School Musical or Zoey 101 or some other teen/tween show and you get what you ask for. You get Bratz commercials and innuendo. You get the possibility they will pick up on something YOU are not ready to address. This is YOUR fault. Not Jamie Lynn Spears OR Nickelodeon.

Treat sex like some ticking time bomb and it will be just that in your house. Some unspoken, totally mysterious, ticking time bomb. My preschoolers ask and get answers. “Yes, Mommy’s have babies in their bellies, yes, a man helped make the baby with his penis.” Not totally scientific but also not crazy inappropriate for their age.

…and ANOTHER thing. Zoey 101 is done. It’s over. It’s been filmed. JLS isn’t acting on it pregnant. She’s not pregnant in the story line. She’s not even talking about being pregnant. She’s pregnant in real life. She’s not filming pregnant. She’s not flaunting her teenage mistake in front of your 6-year old who shouldn’t be watching that freaking show anyway. On the show she’s the same character addressing the same issues as she always did. And what about re-runs? Or those now invalid because the star got in trouble OFF screen?

Just curious, did you pull HSM from the DVD bin when what’s her name’s naked pics came out?

I’m thinking of voices in animated cartoons I watch…man, some of those actors really fuck themselves up off camera. Alex the Lion? (Ben Stiller) Dori?(Ellen) Lightening McQueen? (Luke Owen Wilson) I mean just right there you’ll need to talk about dirty jokes, lesbianism, and suicide with your kids. And that’s just off the top of my head.

I think your anger is displaced and you need to get over sex issues and discuss things with your children if and when they ask. Don’t be afraid. It’s going to be oooookkkkkk.

Nickelodeon doesn’t need to send any messages. To anyone. They are not responsible for your kids. They make tv shows for children and tweens and teens. If you don’t like what they make, turn off your goddamn television.

But Danny knows I love him. And hot wife. And wonder sis. And I’m guessing he’s going to email me and yell at me in about 5…4….3…2…. but hopefully I made him think, just a little.

Filed Under: BLOW JOB DAY!, Holding Court, Royal Rant

When it comes down to it

December 25, 2007 by 9 Comments

..I’m totally traditional. Shhhhhhhhhhhh don’t tell anyone, it will totally ruin my street cred.

I’m sitting here after having feasted this Christmas, wine in hand, reflecting on what a total, traditional, happy homemaker I am.

Every year we have kielbasa from Detroit because that is just what you do on Christmas Eve.

I actually buy “Santa” paper just like my mother did before me, so all the Santa gifts have their own distinct Santa face.

We open stockings first, until adults are alive and the coffee is at least dripping.

After the chaos, left-over kielbasa and eggs for breakfast.

(mentally noting it’s always about the food)

None of these may seems like really big deals, but to me…they are HUGE. I can’t decide if that is WEIRD or completely against my nature. I mean, I’m the one who left my hometown. I was always weird. I was always the one who never fit in and always wanted OUT.

Yet I’m the one who gave both my children family names and continue traditions that have been practiced since I was born.

I don’t get it.

I mean, I spend a lot of time fighting against conforming. Well, I do and I don’t. It’s just that I was lucky. I had a warm and fuzzy and happy childhood and I want my kids to have the same.

I was never an angsty non-conformist. I was a happy non-conformist. I always did things differently and I was lucky to have parents that told me “that’s great!” In fact, I distinctly remember trying to come up with one single word to describe me for my Confirmation in 8th grade and my Dad telling me to write “Independent.”

So when I find myself screaming and yelling about politics or parenting or anything in between, it feels very natural. When I find myself DEMANDING we ship kielbasa from Detroit to Los Angeles, regardless of cost, I scratch my head a bit.

Of course this is just one part of my life. There are many other parts that would probably melt your brain they are so very NON traditional. Yet the constants…the things that never change, are as traditional as they come.

I’m embracing it, that’s for sure. As I get older I’m taking more and more pleasure in sharing those warm fuzzies with my own children. With settling into this life with a sprinkle of my mother and her mother and my grandmother’s ways in my kitchen and my home and my mind.

Maybe that’s how we all do it…take the good and rant against the bad. This Christmas I’m thankful the good I keep is in my home and in my heart. The bad I scream and yell and fight about almost always is on tv or in a newspaper or somewhere ‘else’ out there in the big wide world.

“Independent” still fits though, even if I’m currently freezing kielbasa and doing dishes.

Filed Under: Merry Merry, Royal Kinfolk, Stepford Crazies
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