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Lessons Learned

April 1, 2008 by 4 Comments

Today in my e-mail box:

Dear QueenofSpain:


Thanks for joining my fanclub!

The Jason Calacanis is a Golden God Fan Club has, quite literally,
 thousands of members all around the world who all enjoy the benefits that
 membership brings!

Those benefits include:
 # A free newsletter every month, direct to your inbox.
 # Email updates every day with club news and news about me.
 # A personally signed photograph.
 # Discount off all merchandise in the Jason Calacanis is a Golden God
 Fan Club on-line store.
 # Access to our on-line chat room (you never know, I may be in there
 myself thanks to UStream!)
 # The chance to win a MacBook Air once I have 'won' Twitter!
 # ...far to many other things to list here!

You membership is now in the database and your signed photo of me
 should arrive at your home address within the next week or so.

Your membership number is: 0018217

Once again, Mahalo!!
Jason!

----
This message was sent using MailFool.
Message id: "GMM3122327PJKB".
Visit http://www.MailFool.com for more info or
if you doubt the authenticity of the e-mail.

Which was followed up by this.

And then came this.

And then I had to watch this

You and you and you are very lucky I’m way too important to be phased by your silly little April 1st fun. Pffft. Sorry, I was channeling Calacanis* for second there. I will now crawl into a cave with no wifi and hide until it’s April 2nd, 2008.

*Jason Calacanis is allegedly important in this web world we live in and he’s trying to bribe people to follow him on Twitter by giving away a MacBook Air. He wants to be the #1 most followed person on Twitter. I got a bit mouthy about it (and the readers gasp in shock) and now it’s become a bit of a joke.  I hear he’s not a horrible person, just a bit of an ego (ya’ think?) but since we’re all in this business of blogging, errr social media, we all have egos. But the fact I have to explain who Jason Calacanis is to half of my audience makes me think he has yet to conquer many corners of the web. Oh, and yeah, it makes me laugh pretty hard too. MWUAH and big fat smooches to you Jason, I hear you live near me. Have your people contact my people and we’ll do lunch. You’ll have to be as cool as SoCalMom, though. Because we did lunch yesterday and it rocked. 

Filed Under: kill me now

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

March 30, 2008 by 14 Comments

3 is worse than 2. 3 is worse than 2. 3 is worse than 2.

Today, she is 3.

She’s sassy, she’s determined, she’s smart.

Everything I had hoped she would be…time to batten down those hatches and inquire at convents. 😉

Filed Under: kill me now, Princess Peanut

Maybe My Mom Will Help Too

February 16, 2008 by 6 Comments

Looks like I’m not entirely crazy. My favorite part of the article is how they reference “party elders” as though there is also a secret knock and hazing ritual.

I nominate my Mom to help. She’ll whip their butts into unity so fast it will make your head spin.

In fact, I nominate just about all the Moms I know. I mean really, we handle needy, self-centered, spoiled, ego-maniacs all day. We force them to share. We force them to play nice. We put them in time-outs for negative attacks.

Can you imagine Obama and Clinton in a room stomping their feet saying “but it’s MY nomination! MINE MINE MINE?”

Now sweetie, I know you have the Superdelegates, but Barack did get the people’s vote.

And yes honey, I know you won Iowa, but Hillary took Michigan and Florida. I know we told you they wouldn’t count, but Daddy changed his mind. Sometimes life isn’t fair.

So long as they get their act together, because I really don’t want to be saying…

I’m sorry honey, but you were too busy fighting with your sister, and that mean old McCain came and took your Presidency. Maybe next time you’ll learn to work as a team.

Filed Under: kill me now, Queen Mum

I Ain’t Got Nuthin’ But Love For Ya’*

February 14, 2008 by 14 Comments

Much like when I wrote an open letter to Michelle Obama in December of 2006, I now find myself scratching my head at the response to my letter to Senator Hillary Clinton.

You people are crazy.

Alright, not all of you. In fact, I owe hugs and beers to many of you for your support. Even if you did not agree with my “whacky” idea that a candidate quit the race, you were respectful in your discussion. So thanks. And let’s face it, respectful in discussion is more than I usually am, so you get bonus points from me for keeping a level head.

The rest of you may just want to keep watching American Idol and worrying about Britney instead of coming back to this blog.

Some thoughts as I scan the hundreds of comments over at Huffington Post, at Digg, and here on Queen of Spain:

-candidates drop out of races all the damn time and states continue to vote in primaries that don’t matter. I live in California. My primary vote never mattered until this year. I’ve voted in PLENTY of elections in which it was already decided by the time my state got a chance. Guess what? You still get to vote in a general election. No really. I swear.

-If you don’t think Senator Clinton is divisive, read the comments in the last post.

-I don’t want anyone to give up on “fighting” for us or for themselves. Please. I realize the race is still neck and neck, I’m not a moron. What I was asking of the Senator was to sacrifice due to her inability to win over those Hillary-haters. She’s had time, it’s not working. That means if she wins (and mind you, if she does I am 100% behind her) we will be in a very similar situation as we are with George W. Sure, she’s on my team…but that does not change the hate. Yes, of course there are Senator Obama haters. OF COURSE. I just haven’t seen the same level of divisiveness with him. If anything, he’s winning many over.

-Superdelegates. Or as my son calls them, Super-sniff-my-butts, because he misheard me talking about them on the phone. But really, we might as well call them Super-sniff-my-butts. I’m really not liking these scenarios where Obama wins the popular vote and Clinton convinces more Superdelegates. Scary. And worthy of a revolution. As if the electoral college isn’t bad enough, now we’re faced with a frightening Superdelegate situation. Whoo hoo Democracy.

-What I was asking Senator Clinton do to was earth shattering and I realize that. I do not want a repeat of South Carolina. I do not want to see this party fight it out until the END of August and the convention leaving a bitter taste in all our mouths. The momentum of Obama’s campaign, coupled with the grassroots base and the divisiveness of Clinton does nothing but lead me to an early September of not just disenfranchised voters but near riots. I can’t be the only one who sees this coming.

-It’s Valentine’s Day. Let’s at least pretend to get along. I’m looking at the Wisconsin ads now and am quickly becoming disgusted at both campaigns when I see where this is heading. It is not pretty and it is most certainly politics as usual.

We can talk more about this tomorrow-live on ooVoo. Tell me why you hated, loved, wanted to rip to shreds my letter to Senator Clinton. Tell me if you have a better idea how to heal this country. Or are you over the idea of bringing everyone back together? Would you rather just win in November and oppress those right-wingers for a few decades?

In the meantime, I’m off to hug some Valentines…

*titled especially for the grammar nazi’s

Filed Under: Holding Court, kill me now, Queenie Backup, War in Iraq Sucks It

What I Did During the SoCal Winter Storm of ’08

January 25, 2008 by 7 Comments

First I cursed a bit because the Internet went down.

Then I cursed a bit because the Republicans were debating from Florida and making my head explode.

Then I decided to play doctor with the kids, as Princess Peanut was sick of spinning around after dressing HERSELF.

The children promptly got a fan (being used as a ‘head cut bandaid’) stuck in my hair.

We struggled over who could get said fan out of said hair best.

Both children tried, some harder than others.

The fan was freed after Mom realized it was actually two different toys stuck together and could easily be pulled apart.

Our garage is flooding and I’m pretty sure my back yard could use a canoe. Maybe some rafts.

Pray the internet says on.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, kill me now, Princess Peanut, Stepford Crazies

An open letter to pollsters, stat takers, and survey pimps

January 19, 2008 by 15 Comments

What the HELL is this crap? Are you serious? A poll asking South Carolina voters which presidential candidate is the SEXIEST. Really?

I’m just curious what is accomplished by a poll like this, why any polling company would ask this question, and why the hell they think I care.

The President of Public Policy Polling, Dean Debnam, agrees this is silly, “Politics doesn’t always have to be completely serious,” he says in the press release. “We did this survey to remind folks to keep their senses of humor during this intense election season.”

Yeah, I’m not laughing.

If you want me to keep my sense of humor, how about asking me which candidate tells the best joke. Or which candidate is mostly likely to have a beer at the local pub. Draw me a funny political cartoon. Let me just state I’m stretching with those examples, because I really am not sure this election needs to have a sense of humor. Some “light” moments-I’ll give ya’ that…but my sense of humor just doesn’t come into play with dead soldiers and Iraqis, families struggling to pay their mortgage, lives-hanging-in-the-balance, fate-of-our-country politics.

But let’s tackle the bigger issue here and why this poll makes me roll my eyes and want to move to Canada-ENOUGH with the sexy crap. Obama girl, Hillary boy, Edward’s hair, Clinton’s cleavage-ENOUGH already.

What does even discussing which candidate is SEXY accomplish in the bigger picture aside from the few chuckles the polling folks were hoping for?

It reinforces that “sexy” matters.

It reinforces the idea that Americans care more about Oprah than Obama.

It reinforces to my daughter she needs to be thin, beautiful, and slutty.

It reinforces to my son SEXY counts when trying to win over the world.

It reinforces to ME some voters care more about American Idol and Britney’s custody case and will actually cast their ballot for the candidate who has the best stylist.

It reinforces to the candidates the false notion 8.3 million readers of BlogHer.com care more about fluff than the issues.

Maybe I have no sense of humor this morning. Maybe I woke up to find this poll and am overreacting. I’ll admit I’m feeling rather cynical this weekend.
Or maybe I’m tired of some woman shaking her ass all over national tv for Obama and the media discussing necklines and skin.

We have quips about looking “too” feminine or “mannish”-leading to snark about tears in New Hampshire. We have polls measuring the next leader of the free world’s SEXY.

Enough. Please. Enough

crossposted at the Huffington Post

Filed Under: Hippo Diet, kill me now, Queenie Backup, War in Iraq Sucks It

Barbie is One Sly Minx

January 4, 2008 by 11 Comments

I caved and bought that freaking Barbie and her 12 Dancing Sister Princesses Fairyworld Mermadia Utopia of Tutu’s and Fluff DVD.

Something in my GUT told me to say “no” but in case you don’t know there are three big storms coming our way and I need new movies dammit. I can only color and play cars for SOOOOO long people, come on.

As expected Princess Peanut donned her tutu and clapped and danced and was simply OVERJOYED at “Hi, I’m Barbie, I play Genevieve the oldest sister….” or some crap. Then it was a blur of songs and ballet shoes and gold dust and really bad CG (um, yes, I do know what bad animation looks like..hello…).

There was the much anticipated dancing and some inane plot about an evil step mother and a dying father and blah blah blah you know the story.

Mostly our first Barbie experience was harmless. I say mostly because I was slightly annoyed at the giggling over some cobbler boy (he makes the shoes, get with the program) and the rate at which my little Princess wanted to change outfits to twirl around in. But what really got me…was an unexpected interested in the movie by Count Waffles.

Mind you, he’s not even 5 yet and he’s very into “that’s a BOY toy not a GIRL toy” and “I don’t want PINK that’s a GIRL color”-yes, his feminist mother is so proud.

So when the Count wandered over to see what all the frufru was about and our little Peanut explained “Dat Barbie and DAT da Princesses and day daaaaaaaaaaaaaaace” the response was one I had NOT counted on:

“Wow. She really is beautiful.” And a glazed look fell over him and he sat down to stare.

Fuckin’ Barbie.

Slut!

Whore!

Tramp!

Trollop!

JEZEBEL!

I’ll take you down bitch. Stay away from my baby boy.

And with that I shall now commence hating every.single.one. of his future girlfriends.

Filed Under: Count Waffles, kill me now, Princess Peanut

Ignore that Woman behind the Curtain

January 1, 2008 by 2 Comments

…we’re tweaking graphics. Sit tight.

Good for us she’s really smart and talented. This guy helped too.

Anyway, if it’s wonky for a few hours, nevermind us and move along.

Filed Under: Kaiser, kill me now, Queenie Backup, Stepford Crazies
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